Archive for February, 2010

The Curling Cougar

February 28, 2010

I used to think that curling was a sport for fat old white men with beer guts. At first glance, curling looked like the stupidest thing I have ever seen. The other day at the gym women’s curling came on. I decided to watch because I was running on the treadmill and it was the only thing on TV that didn’t have to do with Tiger Woods sexual escapades.

I was expecting bull-dykes akin to bowling, the WNBA, every softball player except Jennie Finch, and whatever other bullshit sports girls attempt to play. To my surprise, there were actually hot women participating in this sport. The captain of the Canadian team is a fucking cougar. How awesome is that?

Why do they separate men’s and women’s curling anyway? I don’t think you really need to possess any type of athletic ability to be a good curler. I would assume that women would be better at the sport because they are used to using a broom.


Straight Outta Compton

February 27, 2010

I want to believe that this is a prank call, but unfortunately I think it’s real.

Tiger’s in the Zoo

February 26, 2010

Being black in America through the eyes of Kat Williams.

Drunken Ninja Mom

February 26, 2010

“Police say the mother of an elementary school student drank a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child’s school.” How many things are wrong with this statement. I didn’t even make this up guys.

Espn is lame

February 24, 2010

I hate the media. Espn recently suspended PTI host Tony Kornheiser, again. This time for criticizing the wardrobe of Sportscenter anchor Hannah Storm. His comments were neither sexist nor misogynistic. It sure as hell didn’t rise to the level of sexual harrassment. It was obvious that Kornheiser was joking. Why can’t anyone make a joke anymore without being called racist or sexist? I remember when Dana Jacobson drank a handle of greygoose and said “fuck touchdown Jesus” during a roast of fellow Espn employee Mike Golic.
All of a sudden she was the anti-christ.

People seem to forget a) it was a roast, b) she was wasted, and c) who fucking cares what fat ass Dana Jacobson thinks or says. If I ran the world tities would be popping out every Superbowl Sunday. Who gives a shit if old hillbilly Don Imus called the Rutgers basketball teams “nappy headed ho’s”? Did anyone even stop to consider “Hey, maybe they really are nappy headed ho’s?”

Take a look for yourself. Here, I’ll even give you the link.

Everyone is so worried about being politically correct. I say, who gives a rats ass. Furthermore, did you see what the hell she was wearing? Maybe Kornheiser would’ve kept his yap shut if she didn’t come to work looking like a reject from a bad Austin Powers movie. What was the name of that shitty one with Beyonce in it again? Do you know what type of 47 year old woman wears boots like that to work? I’ll give you a hint. It starts with the letter ‘M’ and ends with the letter “ILF”.

Espn is suppose to be a respectable news network, yet Storm comes to work looking like she’s going to hit up “cougar night” at your local watering hole. People need to lighten up. Like wtf, is she auditioning for a role as the proverbial “naughty librarian” in a new internet porn that I failed to hear about? I’m just waiting for Peter North to come on the set and ravage her. Look on the bright side, with Kornheiser out of the picture, it will free-up more airtime to run Tiger Woods stories. Yea!

See Hanna get stuffed at

Facebook is awesome

February 24, 2010

Captain Homo

February 23, 2010

Captain Planet is by far the worst Superhero ever created. Captain Planet was a superhero created by the multi-billion dollar media conglomerate, Time Warner. He pretty much had all of the same powers as Superman but for some reason he had blue skin and a green mullet.

Captain Planet’s gimmick was that he fought against pollution. Ironically, guess what his only weakness was? That’s right pollution. All you had to do was throw some trash on him and he would start to die. Bad guys literally fought this guy with chicken bones, bananna peels, and fast-food wrappers. To make matters worse, one of the Planeteers power was “heart”. All of the other Planeteers had cool powers like earthquakes, fireballs, windstorms, and tsunami’s. All his ring did was essentially turn “evil doers” into giant pussies.

Captain Planet was one of those educational cartoons that supposedly had an overarching not-so-subliminal message attached to it. Oh, and how could anyone forget the horrible sterotypical accents all of the characters had. I still laugh everytime I think about Kwame saying “let our powers combine” in his comical African accent. This show makes me want to burn aerosol cans and throw empty cans of Keystone Light in the Delaware river.

Cheatah Woods

February 23, 2010

I’m so sick all this coverage on Tiger Woods. Everyone needs to calm down. Tiger Woods is not the anti-christ. He cheated on his wife, big deal. People cheat on their spouses all of the time. If anything this just shows that Tiger is human. Politicians do this shit all the time. Lets not forget a few years back the president of the United States, Bill Clinton, spread his “message” all over a chubby intern in the oval office. Compared to the amount of pussy that John F. Kennedy was getting, Tiger Woods isn’t shit. Elliot Spitzer basically paid a mortgage payment to get some high class tail. The Democratic primaries didn’t stop John Edwards from getting his fuck on. Shit, even Thomas Jefferson was getting it on in the slave quarters. That dude had more illegitimate children than Shawn Kemp. Our country was basically built on dudes cheating on their wives.


February 21, 2010

I honestly can’t believe it took until 2010 to find out that every single All-Star in Major League Baseball was on steriods. It was so obvious. If anything, Barry Bonds and Jose Canseco gained about 40 lbs. of muscle during their respective careers. I don’t care how many power bars or cans of tuna that they ate, its impossible to do that without steriods.

Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit about steriods and I think that athletes should be able to juice themselves up as much as possible. It’s good for the game. I loved seeing Marc McGuire cracking homers out of the park. Noone wants to see Derek Jeter and Ichiro hitting line drives and singles.

Furthermore, noone dies from steriods. If steriods killed you Hulk Hogan and Arnold Schwarzenegger would be dead. I bet you can’t name anyone who died from steriods excpet Lyle Alzado. Alzado actually died from a combination of pain killers, steriods, and possibly cocaine.

I think it’s hilarious that these major leaguers actually tried to pretend that they weren’t juiced out of their minds. Just look at how obvious the pictures are. How the hell does one’s head get bigger Mr. Bonds? And Jason Giambi, are you fucking kidding me?