My Reality Show

I used to have a very popular Xanga site when I was in college. I had to take it down because it became too time consuming and I wanted to become an adult and lets just say “viewer discretion is advised” if you plan on reading anything i write. Except for small facebook updates every now and then, It’s been over 4 years since I blogged about anything. With that being said, I am Madchuck, welcome back to the Mind of a Maniac.

There are so many dating reality shows out there nowadays: The Bachelor, the Bachelorette, Who Wants to Marry a Millionare, Joe Millionare, A Shot a Love, I Love New York, ect.  Fox even went so far as to come out with a show called “More to Love”, which was basically a rip off of the Bachelor, but for fat people.  All of these shows follow the same formula:  Bunch of single people living in a house with a hot-tub, they are fighting for the affection of some dude or chick, they drink a lot of champagne, they talk shit about each other, they repeat the phrase “I’m not here to make friends” over and over, and people get eliminated every week. Boring. The problem with this formula is that all of these people only want to win and they don’t really give a shit about the person they are competing for.  Honestly, do you think any girl would actually want to fuck Flava Flav?

Herein lies the dilemma, I wan’t to submit an idea for a reality show to FOX, ABC, MTV, VH1 or any network that shows such programming but it seems like every type of dating reality show has been done already. I swear one week I even saw a commercial for “Who Want’s to Marry a  Quadriplegic.” Fucking Bret Micheals had a dating show and that dudes like 60.  I figured out the problem with all of these shows is that once you win, you are not required to stay with that person.  Even if they actually do get married, they always get a divorce.  So what the hell did I just waste 10 weeks of my life watching this shit for?  In the end it doesn’t matter.  That’s why I figure there needs to be something more.  Something more than getting to be in a relationship with some dipshit.

Alright, lemme break it down for you. The show will take place in a mansion in Los Angeles, hot tub included.  My show will have 12 hot ass  Hispanic woman competing for the love and affection of one single Gringo (American man).  The women will come from a multitude of Spanish speaking countries such as The Domincan Republic, Brazil, Chile, Spain, and Argentina.  Probably no Mexican chicks though.  People want to see exotic looking bitches. Like this-

If you want to see a Mexican woman just get a room at the Marriot and order room service). It will follow the same aforementioned formula as all of the other reality shows but theres a catch. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  Not only will they be fighting for the heart of our eligible Bachelor, they will be fighting for a GREENCARD!  Every week these girls will go through a series of challenges to prove their worth.  Some of the challenges will include cooking, cleaning, and performing fellatio on a banana. (the censors will not allow us to show actual blowjobs on television).   Similarly, on each episode our bachelor will go on series of dates with the women, some of them group dates, some one-on-one dates, and some of them two-on-one dates.  The two-on-one dates will be in the infamous hot tub that is a must have for all reality dating shows.

I will even include the scene where the two girls get liquored up and have the lesbian kiss followed by a three way kiss with our bachelor in the hot tub. This supposedly adds “shock” value. I honestly don’t see how this adds “shock” because it seems in every reality show there is a drunken lesbian kiss scene somewhere during the season. However, it seems to be a requirement to produce a reality dating show so I guess I would have to do it.

Every episode will culminate in a final elimination.  The Bachelor will walk up to each contestant, hand them a mock green card,  and utter the words “Congratulations, you still have a chance to earn your green card.”  He will proceed to do this until he is down to two illegal immigrants.  Finally, our bachelor will walk up to one and be like “I’m sorry Consuela, you are eliminated.” (I don’t know if her name will be Consuela, I made that part up).  “You no longer have a shot at earning your Green Card.”  “You have ten minutes to say your goodbyes and pack-up all of your belongings.”  “There’s a helicopter in the courtyard that will transport you immediatly back to the Dominican Republic.” (or wherever she is from).  Every week American’s will tune in to watch which women will stay, and which woman will be transported back to her third world country. This process will continue until one lucky lady finally earns her Greencard.

The final episode will consist of the wedding. Women love to watch anything that involves a wedding because either a) they never got married or b) they are married and want to see other women as miserable as they are.

If you don’t believe that people will watch this show, please consider the fact that people watched a show called For the Love of Ray J.  Watching that show was like getting kicked in the balls by David Bekham.  Painful. Everything about Ray J sucks except for the fact that he banged Kim Kardashian on tape. Although that earns him plenty of points in my book, overall he is still a douche that only got famous off of riding his sisters coattails. Which is ironic because Kim Kardashian only got famous for screwing Ray J. My show will be a smash hit simply because these women will be fighting for more than just love.  They are fighting for a fucking Green Card.  A chance to be a citizen of the best country in the free world.  Who the fuck wants to live in Cuba and have that asshole Fidel Castro tell you what to do?  I can see it now, “Next on Fox, America’s #1 Reality Show “The Greencard”. It will take a while for the show to get old. For example, season two we’ll do Asian chicks. Just replace cleaning and blowjobs with massages and handjobs and I got myself a “fresh” new season.

How do you say “I didn’t come here to make friends” in Spanish?


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