Nick Miller

Imagine being told that you are the absolute worst at your chosen profession. Imagine that your boss walks into your office and says to you “out of all of the shitty employees here, you are the shittiest.” Thats how it feels to be Nick Miller. Right now your probably thinking “who the hell is Nick Miller?” Let me elaborate.

Nick Miller is a rookie wide reciever for the Oakland Raiders, and also the worst rated player in Madden. Miller is rated at a whopping 38 overall, tying him with Free Agent Punter, Eric Wilbur. This essentially makes Miller the worst player in the NFL. If I was Miller I would be pissed off. I would write a letter directly to John Madden and EA Sports. If Madchuck wrote a letter to Madden, it would look something like this.

Dear John Madden,

Hi, My name is Nick Miller. I am a rookie reciever for the Oakland Raiders, however, I’m sure you already know that. I am writing you to discuss my rating in John Madden Football 2010. How the fuck are you going to rate me a 38 overall you fat son-of-a-bitch?

Where do you guys come up with these ratings anyway. For example, my strength is a 43. Sebanstian Janikowski’s strength is a 55. Basically, your calling me a pussy to my face. I am not a betting man, but I bet my entire salary next season that I can beat the living shit out of that dumb, fat, alcoholic, Polack.

Madden, I’d like to see your fat ass face Nnamdi Asomugha everyday in practice. Furthermore, you have my awareness at 29. A fucking 29…Really Madden. You make it seem like I’m a retard who wears his jock strap on his head and puts his jersey on backwards. Jake Delhomme’s awareness is an 80, and the Panthers just cut his sorry ass.

What pisses me off the most about my bullshit rating is that my catching is rated at 57. Did you know my senior year at Southern Utah I was named Great West Conference Special Teams Players of the Year and caught 55 passes for 763 yards and three touchdowns. Braylon Edwards catching is rated 77. Madden, I promise you, I have better hands than that scrub. No way in hell should there be a 20 point differential between me and Braylon Dropwards.

The only attribute you guys actually got right was my speed at 96. I personally think I should be more like a 97, considering the fact that I ran a 4.3. Donnie Avery is a 96 and I could definately smoke him.

Moreover, why is my throwing power rated at 25?   Heres a list of players that have higher throwing power than me: Anthony Fasano, Marion Barber, Scott Fujita, Jon Jansen. Fucking Jon Jansen…..Seriously! Jon Jansen is a 6’6 300 lb. right tackler for the Detriot Lions. Did somebody at EA Sports actually take the time to research whether or not Jon fuckin’ Jansen has a better arm than me? Can I have that job?

Madden, I’m not saying that I should be the highest rated player, but a 38. Dude, there are some shitty guys in the NFL. I know that I’m a small white reciever, but a 38 man? Jim Sorgi is rated a god damn 54, and he sucks. Madden, go suck Brett Favre’s dick some more. And just in case you thought I was fucking around about the 4.3, here’s the video of me smoking fools in the 100 meter dash in college.

38 my fucking ass…

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3 Responses to “Nick Miller”

  1. Ungro Says:

    Gold. This is my new favorite place to go to when I’m done masturbating.

  2. Sister of Nick Says:

    Hell ya Nick is the best!!! Your Family Loves you and we miss you!!! Kick some ASS this year!!!

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