Archive for March, 2011

Michael Irvin- Discipline

March 31, 2011

Discipline is more than just saying “Don’t throw your hands up in the air when you score a touchdown.”  Discipline is when it’s 110 degrees in the Orange Bowl, no breeze, fourth quarter, a minute and a half left to play, you’re dead tired, they come to the line and the opposing quarterback gives you that hard count: “Hut-HUT!”  And you don’t jump offsides.  Because you’re disciplined… mentally and physically.- Michaal Irvin (The Playmaker)

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Internet Security from 1998

March 30, 2011

Whoever the casting director was for this video should get a fucking Oscar. The pedophile with the stache and the sleeveless t-shirt with hairy forearms and the bald upper arms is perfect. And the kid in the beginning delivered a performance that could have beat out Russel Crowe in Gladiator. You see that look on the face of that kid at 1:05? I mean I could really feel his embarrassment. I could really feel that he saw some fucked up stuff.

Man Fondles 9 year old boy at the Zoo

March 24, 2011

TAMPA BAY ONLINE A 21-year-old Lowry Park Zoo volunteer was arrested today after he touched a 9-year-old boy and then fondled himself inside a zoo restroom, the Tampa Police Department said. Cameron James Spurback of Tampa has been charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition and lewd and lascivious molestation, police said. The boy went into a zoo restroom at around 2:15 p.m. and was approached by Spurback, who pulled the child’s pants down and then fondled him, police said. Spurback then pulled his own pants down and fondled himself in front of the child, police said. The boy ran out of the restroom and told his parents. The parents contacted zoo security, who detained Spurback as he left the restroom. Tampa police were called to the scene. A police detective interviewed Spurback, who acknowledged fondling the child and fondling himself, police said. Spurback had just finished his shift Zoo officials said in a statement that Spurback will no longer be allowed on zoo property. “We have a duty to ensure the safety of our guests, our employees and other volunteers, and we take that responsibility very seriously,” said Craig Pugh, the zoo’s executive director and chief executive officer. “We will not tolerate such action. We are fully cooperating with law enforcement in its active investigation, and appreciate the close coordination between zoo security and the Tampa Police Department.” Spurback doesn’t have a criminal record, police said. The child, who was not physically injured, identified Spurback as the suspect, police said. Spurback is being held at Orient Road Jail.

Really Tampa Bay Online? This is how we’re gonna play this one? We’re gonna do a 250 word write up about the safety of zoo patrons and the intricacies of this case without mentioning the fact that Cameron James Spurback looks like fucking Beaker from the Muppets? Looks like someone rearranged El Pres’ face. Just shrunk Pres’ nose a little bit and jacked up one eye and its like a clone.

I did a little research on my man Cameron and it turns out he suffers from elephantiasis. I think I’d rather be molested by an actual elephant than this circus freak. I’m still trying to figure out if an elephant trunk is bigger or smaller than this guy’s schnoz. For real if I had the choice between being thrown into the middle of an elephant stampede or being thrown in a bathroom stall with this elephant man I’m taking stampede every day of the week and 86 times on Sunday.

Courtesy of www.barstoolsports.com (New York)

LT’s Prostitute

March 23, 2011

“I am not a prostitute,” Fierro said. “I am a victim and I am hurting. I don’t think the sentence given to Mr. Taylor is fair.”  

Yeah, O.K.  Just look at her.  I’m 100% sure she’s a Prostitute … or an alien.  I mean I didn’t go to no fancy school or nothing, but I’m pretty sure when someone gives you $300 in exchange for sex, you’re a fucking prostitute.  What was LT thinking man?  This chick looks like the retarded love child between Amy Winehouse and Sam Cassel.  Forget the fact that she’s underage for a second, the real question is, how the hell do you screw that?

Pregnant Bellies

March 19, 2011

I love people who pretend that being pregnant is beautiful. Biggest crock of shit going. Everything about being prego is disgusting. All the way the through child birth. Anybody who says anything differently is lying. Like why does society have to pretend it’s a beautiful thing when it’s clearly not? You’re fat. You’re gross. That’s it. I mean I get that you got a kid brewing in there, but that doesn’t change the facts. I’m not saying women should be ashamed or embarrassed by it, but let’s just not pretend it’s a hot look either. It’s not.  So you probably shouldn’t be rolling around wearing sweats in public and your gut hanging out.   Just a thought.

www.barstoolsports.com Boston

Adrian Peterson The Slave

March 18, 2011

File:Adrian L. Peterson before 2008 Pro Bowl.JPEG

Recently, Adrian Peterson, a star running back for the Minnesota Vikings, came out with comments about the treatment of the players. He said they were being treated like “modern slaves”.  Funny, I don’t recall seeing any slaves with five year $40.5 million contracts, with $17 million in guaranteed money. Seriously, just SHUT THE FUCK UP.  I also don’temember slaves fumbling footballs on 3rd down.

George Michael Sax

March 15, 2011

Sergio Flores plays Careless Whisper by George Michael loudly on a saxophone in public places (often leading to funny confrontations with security guards).

Vikings Chris Cook

March 13, 2011

Chris Cook

Minnesota Vikings defensive back Chris Cook was arrested in Lynchburg, Va. on Saturday night and charged with brandishing a handgun, according to WSET-TV.

Police said Cook, 24, pulled out the weapon during a fight with one other man on Halifax Avenue around 5:30 p.m. ET on Saturday. He was arrested a short time later.

Cook, a rookie last season, appeared in six games for the Vikings in 2010, finishing with 21 tackles during an injury-riddled campaign that saw him sidelined with multiple knee injuries.

The Vikings drafted Cook in the second round of last April’s draft out of Virginia.

My first thought after reading this story was “who the fuck is Chris Cook.” My second thought was that “he can’t possibly be that stupid”…but he probably is.

Bart Scott TNA Wrestling

March 6, 2011

Here’s a vid of Bart Scott getting put in an ankle lock by Kurt Angle. For a self proclaimed tough guy, it’s pretty pathetic that Bart literally taps out within the first second. My question is, how many weeks of training camp is Bart Scott going to miss next season due to that “broken” ankle? For the record, “Wrasslin'” is soo ridiculous.

Vernon Gholston = BUST

March 2, 2011

AdamSchefter: Vernon Gholston had a $9 million escalator clause in his contract for one sack or forced fumble or fumble recovery. Never got it.   I’m not even kidding when I say if you dangled $9 million in front of my face I could get a sack or a fumble recovery. I’d kill a small child with my bare hands for $9 million. Fucking fumble recoveries are like 50% luck and the Ghost couldn’t even get that done. In 3 years of professional football, Vernon Gholston never once touched the quarterback or the football. That is absolutely insane.