Real Life Barbie?

www.barstoolsports.com (New York)

Mirror – Troubled schoolgirl Brooke Bates had one dream as her weight soared to 15 stone – she wanted a body just like the Barbie dolls she used to play with. And she was ready to do ­anything to make it happen… It led to her ­becoming the youngest girl in the world to undergo cosmetic surgery when she had a tummy tuck and ­liposuction when she was just TWELVE. It proved to be just the start as in the next five years she was fitted with a gastric band and had breast implants in her increasingly ­desperate attempt bid to become a living doll. So far it has cost her parents £34,000, but Brooke has no regrets. “Before I had the tummy tuck I can honestly say I was on the verge of killing myself as I felt so fat and ugly,” says Brooke, who is now 17. “No one can blame my mum for letting me go ahead with the surgery. She didn’t want to lose her daughter. “Having surgery so young ­definitely made me obsessed with my looks, but what’s wrong with a girl wanting to make the best of herself? Now 10 stone and known as Barbie Brooke, she remains insecure about the way she looks although her ­parents have given her a further £11,000 to lavish on beauty ­products. “It’s cool that my friends look up to me as Barbie Brooke but it means I am always on a diet and exercising,” she says.

Umm. You should probably get all your money back for those surgeries. Because that shit ain’t working toots. Bitch looks like the love child of Snooki and Chucky from Child’s Play. If I’m Mattel I’m hunting down this heifer and telling her to keep Barbie’s name out of her mouth. Fuckin ruining Barbie’s rep. Hey bitch maybe we should make our goals a little more realistic and aim to become the real life Cabbage Patch doll or something. Because plastic surgeons are only doctors, not miracle workers. To quote my main man Obama you can put lipstick on a pig. Its still a pig.

Quick little side note about Barbie Dolls. When I was like 9 years old I saw a life sized Barbie naked and I think that was the moment I realized I wasn’t gay. There are 2 definitive moments that let me know I was straight. One was when I saw Kelly Kapowski for the first time and the other was when I saw that 3 foot tall naked Barbie. I’m not saying I fucked that doll or anything but I’m also not saying that I didn’t think about it.

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