Archive for July, 2011

Aaron Hernandez Gives Ochocinco #85?

July 31, 2011

 

I want you to read the quotes from Hernandez courtesy of Profootballtalk.com

“Chad Ochocinco came to the team, and he’s a great player, and I had a chance to get my college number back, and he obviously wanted #85, and there wasn’t a problem,” Hernandez said, per the Boston Herald. “He deserved it, so I thought he should get it.”

“All of us have a decent amount of money,” Hernandez said. “I definitely should have [asked for something], but I didn’t. It was just a welcome to the team. I’m glad to have him.

“Hopefully we get some big things out of him this year,” Hernandez said of Ochocinco. “I thought he may look better and play better in #85, cuz that’s his last name. So why not give it to him?”

That is the type of player I want on my team.  Totally focused on the team and not on himself.  Expect big things out of Aaron Hernandez.  The Football Gods will reward him.

Advertisements

Tucker & Dale?

July 29, 2011

This movie is actually pretty good. But if you don’t plan on seeing it, just watch the trailer, it pretty much gives the entire plot away.

Nnamdi to Philly?

July 29, 2011

First it was the Houston Texans. Then it was the New York Jets. The Dallas Cowboys jumped in late. But in the end, Nnamdi Asomugha, the prize of the free-agent market, decided on the Philadelphia Eagles.

Asomugha signed a five-year deal with the Eagles on Friday, which will pay him $60 million, including $25 million guaranteed.  Guess who called it back in April.  This guy!!!  I’m like Nostadamus with my NFL news and rumors. 

Match Made in Heaven?

July 29, 2011

www.barstoolsports.com

DailymailA mixed-race woman due to marry a white supremacist murder suspect has spoken out in support of her man. Erica Herrera, who is half Hawaiian and half Hispanic, said despite prison inmate Curtis Allgier’s frightening appearance – with tattoos of swastikas and the word ‘skinhead’ covering his face – he is ‘kinder’ and ‘gentler’ than he is publicly portrayed. ‘He’s a very sweet, loving…He’s a really kind-hearted, good person,’ she said, defending her plans to marry the man who faces the death penalty for murder. Herrera, from Sacramento, California, plans to marry Allgier, 31, in a ceremony at the Utah State Prison in Draper on August 8.

Working class half Latino woman falls in love kind-hearted man with hard exterior. It’s like Disney wrote it themselves!

Sure there’s those little details about him murdering a prison guard with his own gun and having swastikas all over his face and wanting to wed on Hitler’s birthday, but that just goes to show you the power of love. It knows no bounds. No prison walls or alleged murder or allegiance with criminal racists can keep these two apart. It was meant to be.

Unless he’s convicted. Then he’ll get the death penalty probably.

Homeboy’s got 5 DUI’s?

July 29, 2011

www.barstoolsports.com

Daily Mail – This man’s face has become well-known to police in Wisconsin and not just because of his strange tattoos. Cory Smit, 29, has been found guilty of driving while intoxicated for the fifth time. The convict, who has a selection of tattoos on his face and neck, was stopped by officers when they saw him swerving left and right in Two Rivers. When they approached him he apparently smelled of alcohol, had glassy and bloodshot eyes and found it hard to walk or stand, according to the police report. ‘He became belligerent and uncooperative and had to be pepper-sprayed when he began pounding his head on the back seat of the patrol car,’ officers said in the report. Smit was found to have a blood-alcohol level of 0.29. He had previously been convicted of drunken driving once in 2004, twice in 2005 and again in 2008. Smit has a collection of tattoos including what appears to be the phrase ‘love kills slow’ above a skull and crossbones on his neck. He also has dots tattooed over his eye brows with a tattoo in the shape of an eye brow just above.

I’ve seen a lot of cocky things in my life.   We get pictures from all around the world of people with the cockiest looks in the world. Outlandish outfits. Absurd styles. Flashy cars. Arrogance and opulence like you read about. But I have never seen anything as cocky as getting a pair of eyebrows tattooed above your eyebrows. Never. It takes cocky to a whole new level. You’re just the guy walking around town with 4 eyebrows and 5 DUIs. Thats some serious swagger. Brow Swagga.

I’ll be perfectly honest though bro, your flow could use some work. Not exactly a thick mop top, now is it? Looks like patches of fur on a stray dog or coyote or some shit. Combine that with the fact that you look like a rodent mixed with the Chuckie doll and it all really takes away from the 4 eyebrows. Its like you got a masterpiece on your forehead but you’re surrounding it with trash. Like King Felix out in Seattle.

This might be the most disappointing mugshot/ crime combination I’ve seen in a long time. It’s impossible to pick the weirdest part of that picture. Is it the fact that he looks like a 12 year old who stuck his head in a microwave? Is it the combination San Diego Chargers and crop circle double eyebrow tats? Is it the tattoo goatee? I clicked on the link expecting this guy to have fucked a cow or smuggled cheese into jail in his ass or whatever is it they do for fun is Wisconsin, and all I get is a DUI?   No way in hell the worst thing this guy did is drink and drive. The cops might want to check the garage where Cory kept the car he was arrested in, because I’m willing to bet it’s probably a meth lab.

Tony Kucoc Prostitution Ring?

July 28, 2011

Charlie Sheen when asked why he paid for escorts said and I am paraphrasing.

“They leave when it is over.”

Nothing wrong with hooking up with an escort from time to time it can be convenient like going through the McDonalds Drive Thru.

Toni Kukoc is a legend in Croatia and it looks like he is a legend at making it rain.

“Croatian baskteballer [sic] Toni Kukoc has shrugged his shoulders at the allegations he has been one of the “beneficiaries’ of the elite prostitution ring uncovered recently in Croatia.

‘I was in worse situations in life. What should I do? Return home to Split? Of course I will stay in Osijek,’ Kukoc told the media after his name emerged in connection with the elite prostitution ring headed by Nebojsa Perunovic Pance who was arrested last week.

Who even cares that Tony Kucoc was getting his meat wet by six Croatian hookers in some swanky motel in Eastern Europe?  I don’t.  I hope they don’t try and hammer Tony too bad on this one, he doesn’t have Michael Jordan to bail his ass out this time. 

 

 

Imposter High School Basketball Player?

July 28, 2011

The saga of Guerdwich Montimere from Fort Lauderdale, Florida who forged a birth certificate and used the alias Jerry Joseph admitted to his wrongdoing. His confession and a plea deal ended the more than year-long scandal of the 2007 Dillard High graduate who went to Odessa, Texas, and was accepted into the community as Jerry Joseph, a 16-year-old Haitian orphan and basketball player at Permian High.

The now 23-year-old Montimere pleaded guilty Wednesday to two counts of sexual assault of a child and three counts of tampering with government records. In jail since his arrest in May 2010, Montimere was scheduled to go on trial Aug. 1.

He was sentenced to three years in prison on each count. The sentences will run concurrently and he will get credit for time served – more than a year in the Ector County Detention Center.

Montimere was accused of lying about his name and age to enroll at Nimitz Junior High and then Permian, in addition to having a sexual relationship with a Permian High 15-year-old girl.

His story unraveled when Cedric Smith and Louis Vives, coaches for the South Florida Elite AAU team, saw Joseph last month at an AAU tournament in Arkansas and are convinced that Joseph is Montimere.

“I’m 100 percent sure. I would bet my paycheck,” Smith told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

“We saw him. We’ve known Guerdwich since he was in seventh or eighth grade. The mannerisms were him. It doesn’t make sense. They have to do more investigations for me,” Smith told the newspaper.

Joseph denied that he was Montimere when he talked with Vives at the tournament.

“It was shocking, and the question at hand was just why,” Vives told USA Today. “When I approached him, I just wanted to know what was going on. The surprised look on his face gave it away that it was him. … Once he saw a Florida team and players and coaches who knew him, the look on his face was like, ‘Wow, what am I into now?’ “

This story is fucking nuts. I guess it would be cool, except for the fact that he was porking a 15 year old. A lot of a people joke around and say, “Wish what I know now, I knew it back in high school”, unfortunately Montimere took that quote to the next level.  Think about how insane somebody has to be to pull a stunt like this?  He should’ve at least tried to fuck the high school seniors that were 18.  Now he’s royally screwed, literally.  The homeboys don’t like child molesters in jail.  Therefore, Montimere is unfortunately going to be somebody’s bitch for the next three years. 

Ugliest Woman Alive?

July 28, 2011

EUGENE, Ore– Sandy McMillin and her sister Karla Vogt went to Walmart on Sunday to buy sour cream, chips and coffee creamer. he temperature that day hit 90 degrees, so McMillin threw on a turquoise bikini and a pair of shorts. She said five minutes into her shopping trip while in the clothing aisle, a store employee told her to put on a shirt or leave, saying the swimsuit violated health codes. “I was horrified,” McMillin told KVAL News. “I am embarrassed.” “We just walked in, straight over to the clothing,” Vogt said. “It’s wrong. If you don’t like the way someone looks, don’t look at them.” McMillin said employees then escorted her and her sister out of the store. “I hadn’t done anything obnoxious or outlandish,” McMillin said. To be fair, KVAL News contacted Walmart to get their side of the story. Walmart spokeswoman Ashley Hardie told KVAL News that McMillin has it all wrong. Hardie said customers complained and McMillin verbally abused people in the store. But Hardie said McMillin was was never escorted outside. “We can understand her frustration. It was not our intent to offend the customer, and we have apologized to her,” Hardie said. “We have also reinforced with our associates our expectations of how to handle these matters.” McMillin said that is not good enough and that she will never shop at Walmart again

 

Welp. I’ve found her, folks. I’ve found the ugliest woman alive. Mark it down in the books, today will live in infamy. On the 28th of July, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eleven, we found the ugliest woman on the planet. It gets no grosser than Sandy McMillin. She looks like the love child of Uncle Fester and a fucking Harley Davidson. Her pot belly is cream cheese white yet her arms look like dark brown worn leather. She has a second belly button, floppy tits, and she’s wearing a leg brace. Sandy McMillin not only are you too ugly to go shopping at Walmart, you’re too ugly to live. You’re a burden to all those who have to set eyes on you.

Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of Walmart for looking outrageous? There’s an entire fucking website dedicated to the ugly people of Walmart. There are so many fat disgusting white trash people that go there yet Sandy McMillin was so heinous Walmart felt they needed to draw the line somewhere. She’s so ugly its almost impressive.

Homeless Lady Eats Baby?

July 28, 2011

LOS ANGELES A crazed woman randomly snatched an infant from a stroller, slammed the baby into a pole and later said she was trying to break the baby’s arm off “so she could eat it,” Los Angeles cops said Wednesday. Prosecutors have charged Natasha Hubbard, 36, with aggravated assault and released her photo believing she may have other victims from her wild rampage in downtown Los Angeles last Thursday. The terrifying incident with the 4-month-old boy took place in a crowded shopping district packed with families, police said. Detectives said mom Adriana Miranda, 29, was pushing her infant son Alexander in his stroller when Hubbard unbelted the child and grabbed him by the leg. Witnesses said Hubbard then swung the baby over her head and slammed him into a metal rail of a nearby truck as the mom and the baby’s aunt watched in horror, police said. The mother and aunt fought off the woman, with the suspect clawing at Miranda as she clutched the baby boy in her arms, police said. Arriving officers were able to locate Hubbard with the help of witnesses who pointed her out. She’s now in jail with bail set at $55,000. Hubbard told detectives that she tried to break off the baby’s arm so she could eat it, police said. The tiny victim received bruises and scratches as a result of the attack.

All I gotta say is thank GOD this happened with the baby’s mother and not the father. Can you imagine what would happen if a dad came home from a day out with the baby and he had to tell his wife that a crackhead choke slammed little Suzie and tried to eat her arm? You’d have a murder on your hands. The mother would absolutely rip your face off. When I was a kid my dad was watching me for the day and while I was napping I rolled off the couch and fell into a laundry basket full of clothes. I didn’t wake up at all though so my pops just left me there. My mom and grandma came home and saw me snoozing in the basket and I think they almost revoked my father’s custody rights. 25 years later he’s still hearing about it.

So I sincerely hope that this little girl’s dad cashes the FUCK in on this one. Just hold this over Mama Mirandas head for the rest of time. Whats that honey? I stayed out too late drinking with the boys? Sorry I got caught up telling them about the time YOU ALMOST LET A HOMELESS EAT OUR DAUGHTER’S ARM. Whoops I forgot our anniversary! But next week marks the anniversary of our daughter getting body slammed into a pole on your watch!

Its the ultimate get out of jail free card. Or rather, the ultimate put-your-girl-in-jail card so at least she’s in there with you.

Mother Shoots Her Daughter?

July 28, 2011

www.barstoolsports.com

 

Patch – A 12-year-old girl was wounded by a ricocheting bullet Sunday evening in Banning, when her mother fired a tiny pistol she mistook for a cigarette lighter, police said. Rachel Avila, 30, told police she and her 12-year-old daughter, both of Banning, were talking with friends in front of their mobile home in the 100 block of North Phillips Avenue when Avila found what she thought was a novelty cigarette lighter, police said. The lighter resembled a miniature firearm and it was lying on the ground, Avila told police. Avila picked it up and tried to light it by pulling the trigger, police said. The first time Avila pulled the trigger, nothing happened. The second time she pulled the trigger, a .22-caliber bullet was fired, police said.”The bullet struck the ground, and then ricocheted upward and entered her daughter’s upper right arm,” the police statement said. The girl was taken to San Gorgonio Memorial, where she was treated and released, police said. The weapon Avila said resembled a cigarette lighter was identified as a North American Arms .22-caliber “derringer style” revolver, police said.

Ah a story as old as time itself. Mother finds mini gun cigarette lighter on the ground outside her trailer home. She picks it up and tries to light a cigarette with it. Turns out it’s not a lighter at all but rather a real gun. Bullet ricochets of the ground and hits her 12 year old daughter who needs to be rushed to the hospital.  Shakespeare himself couldn’t have penned a more intriguing tale of deceit, betrayal and confusion.

In all seriousness though I think I’d like to live in trailer home park for 48 hours. It’s like the Wild, Wild West. Probably get more blog material out of that than anything in the history of my life