Crossbow to the Face?

www.barstoolsports.com (Philly)

Daily MailA teenage boy is lucky to be alive after accidentally being shot in the face with an eight-inch crossbow bolt. Lewis Tavernier, 17, had taken his crossbow to a friend’s house in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, and put the safety catch on before carefully placing it on a nearby desk. But as the pair chatted, the weapon suddenly and inexplicably discharged and fired into the teenager’s face from less than three feet away – leaving it buried three inches deep into his right cheek. An X-ray of the student reveals his fractured cheekbone, but the bolt miraculously missed damaging crucial nerves and arteries by just two millimetres. The A-level student at Marriots School, Stevenage, said: ‘I had used the crossbow lots of times before and I had put the safety catch on so I didn’t think twice about putting it down on a desk. ‘But suddenly the crossbow just fired. It was the strangest thing – there was no-one around it and my friend saw it just fire into me. ‘I was only about a metre away but it was so quick and powerful I didn’t really feel it go in. I just remember saying; ‘mate is there an arrow in my face?’ ‘He was really distressed but I guess I was in shock because it didn’t hurt at all at first. My friend’s dad drove me to hospital and then the pain started. ‘The doctors told me that it was 2mm away from hitting a nerve which would have killed me, and any lower and I would never have been able to talk again. ‘I wasn’t in much pain but I couldn’t believe what had happened, it was so unreal.’ The teenager was rushed to Lister Hospital to have emergency surgery. The powerful bolt had been shot three inches deep into his face, puncturing a muscle and fracturing his cheekbone. ‘I went into hospital on the Friday night and by Saturday I was back home. I was just a whirlwind,’ Lewis said. ‘I was terrified I was going to lose my eye and I feel so lucky not to be brain damaged.’

I wanna talk about the crossbow thing but first of all what the hell race are you homey? Like it’s truly amazing that you’re alive with all that “2 millimeters higher I’d be dead” stuff, but I’m mostly curious about your parents. Are you blasian? Or is your dad mixed and your mother part Native American? I’m sorry like the crossbow thing and your survival is a fantastic story but I’m usually pretty good at race-guessing and my brain is just completely lost right now. You’ve done it. I’m completely stumped. Is that how all people are gonna look in the future? But I don’t want my grandkids to have orange afros….

Oh yeah the arrow in your face. That’s sucks bro. You and branchface should start some kind of face puncture trauma group where you tell other morons who get objects lodged in their cheek that things are gonna be okay. Or you should just go to the barbershop and chop that travesty off your head. Either one.

PS – What ARE you??

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