Nicholas Cage a Vampire?

SEATTLE, Sept. 19 (UPI) A Seattle-based eBay seller is asking $1 million for a Civil War-era photo he claims is evidence actor Nicolas Cage is a “vampire.” The seller, who goes by the name Jack Mord, said the photo depicts a man who is nearly identical to the Oscar-winning actor, the New York Daily News reported Monday. “Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” the seller wrote on the eBay posting. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk show host.” “My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor ‘Nicolas Cage’ will ‘die’… but in reality, the undead vampire ‘Nicolas Cage’ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over,” Mord wrote. The seller said he will allow potential buyers to verify the authenticity of the photo, which was taken by Civil War-era photographer Professor G.B. Smith. “Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands,” he wrote.

Is this joker fucking kidding me? $1 million? What a fucking ridiculous asking price.

Shit is easily worth 4 or 5 million bucks. I mean do you see that picture? I don’t wanna overreact here. I’m usually pretty level headed about stuff like this. But thats obviously Nicolas Cage in the 1870s. That’s 400% him 150 years ago and the only explanation is that the dude is a vampire. And I’m pretty pumped about this revelation. If Nic Cage is an immortal member of the undead, it means an eternity of movies like Face/Off and Con Air. Granted his last 9 or 10 films have all been epic disasters. Hopefully he’ll quicken himself and reinvent himself and get back to his Castor Troy/Cameron Poe days.


One Response to “Nicholas Cage a Vampire?”

  1. psychowatcher Says:

    Next time he is New Orleans (more proof that he is one of the un-dead) I’ll splash him with Holy Water and report back to you.

    ; )

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