Chicago – A woman who taught at East Aurora High School has been charged with sexual exploitation of a child after allegedly sending inappropriate photos of herself via text message to a 15-year-old boy who attended the school. Police received a tip on Sept. 19 suggesting that Kelly K. Miller, 32, a science teacher at East Aurora, had ‘sexted’ explicit photos to one of her male students in late May or June 2011.
Wait. This is it? This is all you got, Kelly? We’re dying over here. We’re the laughingstocks of the sports world. We haven’t won a championship in months and won’t win another until February. We also haven’t had a Teacher Sex Scandal in weeks and we’re starving for some hijinks to take our minds off our woes. And this is the best you can do? Dirty text messages? That’s nothing. Hell, kids have a section on their SATs that’s nothing but questions about sexts they’ve gotten from teachers. Where’s the follow up? Getting caught in naked in your car? Boning the kid in the classroom. The old “oral sodomy” charges? We appreciate the effort and all, but we’re gonna need more if we’re ever going to snap out of this funk. Thanks anyway.
Looks: She looks like the neighbor with a baby on her hip that gets interviewed on the local news every time someone gets murdered in a shitty neighborhood. Grade: C.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: It’s one of the major rules of Sex Scandal Teachering: Text messages are foreplay. They’re for setting up the actual sex, only. Stopping at cellphone porn is for Junior High kids, not pros. Grade: D.
Intangibles: Anatomy. Technology. Radio waves. Electricity. There’s a science lesson in every text. Education shouldn’t stop at the classroom door. Grade: B.
Overall: C. Like the Red Sox: Just not good enough.