Archive for October, 2011

Occupy Oakland?

October 26, 2011

OaklandPolice arrested more than 100 people during a night of clashes with Occupy Oakland protesters throughout the city’s downtown area. The scene finally cleared after midnight Wednesday, but police were on alert in case crowds returned. Oakland’s interim police chief, Howard Jordan, said arrests were continuing and that the total number might rise. Eight-five of those arrests were made Tuesday night, when officers raided the Occupy Oakland encampment on Frank Ogawa Plaza at City Hall, along with an annex in a park near Lake Merritt.  Jordan justified his department’s use of tear gas. “We were in a position where we had to deploy gas in order to stop the crowd and people from pelting us with bottles and rocks,” he said. Protesters had also thrown paint “and other agents” at officers, he added. The crowd reached about 1,000 people at its peak, Jordan said, noting that police used bean bag rounds to disperse demonstrators. He said no rubber bullets were used — a claim disputed by protesters.

Occupy Oakland lasted about 30 seconds until police were like “Uhhhh this is motherfucking OAKLAND just shoot these assholes and gas them until they go home.” Zucotti Park in the Financial District of Manhattan is one thing. Business men and women walking to work in the morning. Nice apartments in a quiet neighborhood of New York City. But Oakland is a horse of a difference color. A black, dangerous, violent horse. Police in Oakland don’t have time to stand around some park listening to hipsters and hippies play the bongos and chant for free money. They’ve got real life murderers and shit to hunt down. Drug addicts and gang members have been “occupying” Oakland long before these crybabies. They just blasted these people with bean bags and gas and told them to take their whiny asses across the bay to San Fran where they tolerate this nonsense.

Worst Mother Ever, Like Seriously, Ever!

October 26, 2011

NYDNA raunchy Pennsylvania woman was arrested for giving her inmate boyfriend a bus token of her affection during a mass transit tryst. Amanda Confer, 24, was caught on a security video having sex with her significant other while riding on a city bus in Montoursville, Pa., according to a police report unearthed by TheSmokingGun.com. The woman turned her infant daughter over to another inmate while she gave Randell Peterson, 32, the ride of his life in the back of the bus on Aug. 26, said the police report filed earlier this month. Peterson and jail pal Joshua Schill were riding the bus as part of a work-release program that allows inmates to leave the county jail at specific times. Peterson alerted girlfriend Confer to his schedule, and the pair were soon sitting together in the last row of seats. The couple began hugging and kissing before things turned hot and heavy, police said. Confer initially performed oral sex on Peterson before sitting on his lap as the camera recorded everything and Schill watched the little girl from a row away.

On the one hand this chick is the worst mother of all time. Just handing off her baby to a convict on a public bus like she’s a football. But on the other hand she’s the greatest girlfriend of all time. The old back of the bus blowjob while on work release is enough to earn you a gold star as a girlfriend. That always worked in 7th grade when your class was on a field trip to see the Liberty Bell and it sure as fuck works when you’re 32 years old, incarcerated, and you’ve only got limited time outside the confines of prison. Somehow I think that all just evens out and Amanda Confer is a pretty decent broad in my book.

PS – Can you imagine a giant black man unzipping his bright orange jail-issued one piece and whipping out his dick for some white woman on a bus? Why, yes I can, KFC. Its just about 9 out of every 10 porn movies I’ve ever watched.

Cocaine Kingpin?

October 25, 2011

azcentral DETROIT – An 87-year-old Indiana man arrested in Michigan with 104 bricks of cocaine in his pickup truck has told a judge he was forced at “gunpoint” to carry the load. During a boisterous appearance in court Monday, Leo Sharp had trouble keeping quiet. The Michigan City, Ind., man was released on bond, three days after he was stopped for improper lane use while driving alone on Interstate 94 near Chelsea, 60 miles west of Detroit. According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration state troopers with the help of a drug-sniffing dog discovered 104 brick-sized objects of cocaine Friday. A criminal complaint signed by a DEA agent is thin on details, and there was no mention in court about Sharp’s destination. Outside court, Sharp told The Associated Press that he’s innocent. Sharp was charged with conspiracy and possession with intent to distribute cocaine. If convicted, he faces at least ten years in prison.

 

I’ve just lost all respect for the city of Detroit. This is absolutely pathetic. How are the people of that city seriously gonna complain about getting hit too hard by the faltering economy when there are 87 year-old grandpas with 104 kilos of coke running the streets? How is it possible that the Motor City isn’t the Miami of the midwest right now if dudes like Earl Sharp can become cocaine kingpins?

If this story isn’t the firing of the starter’s pistol for everybody in the greater Detroit area to get their hands on some Colombian gold then they don’t have a capitalist bone in their bodies. There is too money to be made out there to complain about losing some shitty fender-melding job at the GM plant. “Oh, there’s not enough police around and my neighborhood is nothing but abandoned houses.” Sounds like prime crack real estate to me. Decrepit-ass 87 year-old men with 104 bricks of cocaine? Half of the city should have at least 10 grand in 20′s in a shoebox under their bed.

It’s called ambition, Detroit. Earl Sharp has it. It’s time for you to get some, too.

PS – Only 10 years for 104 bricks of cocaine?  Damn, Michigan.

Apple Picking is Gay?

October 25, 2011

So every time I’ve logged into facebook this month I’ve seen a couple idiots who have gone apple picking. “Apple picking with the bf!” “Apple picking upstate with the fam!”

Here’s the list of things that are stupider than apple picking:

1. There are no things stupider than apple picking.

I mean I almost want someone to invite me just so I can hear the reasoning behind it. You want me to drive somewhere upstate to walk around in a field and pick apples off of tree branches? Like peruse through a grove of apple trees examining which apples are the ones that look good to me, and then I pick them and put them in a basket and we pay someone for the apples and then we go home like 20 minutes later? How long could it take to pick apples? And then I guess we go home and eat them? You ain’t baking a pie and neither am I.

Sounds fucking riveting. Like I could understand if apples were some sort of super rare delicacy and there was only one place you could get them and then you would have to go apple picking. But I can buy apples from a dude with a table on the street right outside my apartment. I don’t have to drive anywhere. Don’t have to walk around in a field. And I don’t have to lug a basket of heavy ass apples all over the place.

Fuck all that noise. Apple picking is just something that the snobby families and the snobby couples do to try and make themselves feel better than the real couples and families who spend their weekends in the fall watching football and drinking beer. Congratulations, you guys are the outdoorsy type. You guys are enjoying the fall weather walking around a field pretending to care about apples. You think its something your kids are enjoying even though they are just too young and dumb to know any better. I know you see pictures of me at Rathbones on a Saturday crushing wings and beer in a bar and you think to yourself “I’m better than him because I went and picked out 45 apples.” But guess what? You’re not. You’re not better than me. You’re just a big fucking idiot who’s doing some stereotypical fall activity to try and convince yourself you’re respectable. You’ll probably run the Marathon next weekend while I booze my face off in a bar. You probably volunteer at a soup kitchen during the Christmas season while I drink Irish coffee and watch Home Alone. You probably think I feel bad when I see you doing all that “productive” shit on facebook. But I don’t. And deep down everyone knows you don’t really wanna do that shit either. Its all for appearance. Smoke and mirrors and motherfucking apples. Get real.

Crime Syndicate?

October 24, 2011

CBSGEORGETOWN, Del. (AP) — Three generations of a Sussex County family have been charged after a drug investigation by state and local police. Officers executed a search warrant Friday at a home in Georgetown and seized 32 pounds of marijuana and 49 guns— including handguns, semi-automatic rifles, long guns and muzzle loaders. Police also confiscated drug paraphernalia, prescription drugs, ammunition and cash. Four people are facing numerous charges related to drug dealing. They are: 62-year-old Richard Banks Sr; his son and daughter, 41-year-old Richard Banks Jr. and 39-year-old Tabitha Banks; and Tabitha’s 20-year-old daughter, Ashley Banks. Richard Banks Sr. is not yet in custody but has been charged in a warrant.

What the ffffuck is goin on with this dude’s hair?

I’m straight dumbfounded.  Is that a mid-80′s top-of-the-head ponytail on a fat 62 year-old drug and weapons kingpin?  Like it wouldn’t be that big of a shocker if this was the mugshot for a guy who got caught molesting preteen cub scouts or stealing Barbies from a Wilmington Toys R Us, but to have this as the face of a large-scale drug and weapons operation is BAFFLING.  Richard Banks Jr must be the coldest motherfucker in the history of the arms game to get away with a look like that.  I’m talkin like several dozen bodies under his belt along with countless pistol whips.  Like the moment you say “Hey what’s up with the ponyta–” you get pistol whipped.  No way he could keep his family stash house holding 32 POUNDS of pot, pills, guns, and cash safe without having a ridiculously violent rep.   “Rich Banks washed his ponytail with the tears of my kidnapped mother and sister before he killed them.” Gotta be hundreds of stories like that.

A real witch or a real bitch?

October 24, 2011

 

Dailymail A prison chaplain has pleaded not guilty to sexually assaulting an inmate at the Wisconsin state prison in Oshkosh. Jamyi Witch, 52, who is a Wiccan chaplain, appeared in Winnebago County court on Friday. Witch is accused of drugging the inmate and performing sex acts on him during a staged hostage incident. She is also charged with delivery of narcotics. She told police she was taken hostage and the inmate wouldn’t let her out of her office. She said she was sexually assaulted by the prisoner. Court records, however, show the two knew each other and that they staged the incident. She is accused of drugging him and performing sex acts on him. Witch, who is wheelchair-bound, was hired in 2001 by Wisconsin’s Oshkosh Correctional Institution to be their first-ever Wiccan prison chaplain.

Yawn. If I had a nickel for every time I heard a story about a handicapped witch whose last name was witch staging a fake hostage situation in prison and raping an inmate I’d be a rich man by now. Shit is dime a dozen. More importantly a witch tried to make out with me last week at our Halloween party in Salem. Not even joking. I let her read my fortune early in the night and then gave her a big ass tip. Well at the end of the night I saw her walking out and she came over and tried to stick her tongue down my throat. Ask Sales guy. He saw the whole thing. I was like slow down wtich. I’m a married man and frankly you’re kind of gross looking. Damn slut witches. I guess in hindsight I’m lucky she didn’t put a spell on me and just rape the shit out of my ass, but it was damn close. Fucking got the witch kovorka like a motherfucker.

Skinny Black Guys and Fat White Chicks?

October 24, 2011

Here’s the million dollar question, why do black guys date fat white women?   I don’t think there’s any easy way to answer this question.  I’ve seen it a billion times, a young, athletic black guy walking around the mall holding hands with some chunky ass white chick.  Brothers love that shit.  I know some white girls that don’t even have scales in their houses.  They know they are gaining weight when black guys start hitting on them.

I have no problem with “thick” women.  It’s fat women that make me sick.  And trust me, there’s a huge difference between thick and fat. 

THICK:

FAT:

Now look at this brother in the above picture.  Like what the fuck is he doing?   Umm….. those chicks are fucking disgusting, bro.   Moreover, why the fuck are they wearing lingerie?  And look at this dude just cheesin for the camera.  I would like to smack that smirk off his face.   This is disgusting.  I mean, look at that gut on the chick in the red.  Now that’s a gut that you have to work for.  That’s years of fast food and/or Entenmann’s cupcakes.  You’re not “thick”, “big boned”, “BBW”, or whatever you wanna call yourself, you’re fat.  Period.  You have high blood pressure, you’re probably going to get diabetes, and if the diabetes don’t get you, a heart attack surely will.  Oh, go ahead call me mean.  I don’t give a shit.  Fat girls aren’t real people. 

Do black guys do this because fat chicks are easy?  Or do they like fucking fat chicks?  Or is it because they are broke, and fat chicks have good credit?  I really don’t know.  I’m sorry but If you’re girlfriend outweighs you, you have a fucking problem.

Rob Gronk Just Crushing Porn Stars?

October 23, 2011


Rob Gronkowski spent the bye week smashing porn star Bibi Jones.  Aint no shame in his game.  I love Gronk.   This is what I would do if I was in the NFL.  I would just stuff porn stars and put that shit on my Twitter, like what.

LiLo Mug Shots?

October 20, 2011

 

So Lohan just got arrested for like the 93rd time for doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.   Drinking, drugs, fucking etc.    All I know is everytime I see her new mugshot I get hard.  Best fucking mugshots in the game period.   Like does she get makeup and wardrobe before she takes these things?  Always killing it.  Always bringing her A game.  Just a relentless mugshot machine. Conjugal sex for the win.

WTF?

October 18, 2011

FoxMemphis, Tn – “My dog is like my child, I don’t, I know people say he is just a dog, but they just don’t understand how I feel. I feel bad…” Saturday morning police arrested 40-year-old Kimberly Lawson for allegedly having sex with a dog, a German Shepherd named Adam. The dog’s owner Caroline Morris says she found out about the abuse when her neighbors came and told her what they saw. “Saturday morning and he just said someone is having sex with my dog, and I just could not believe it and I said lets call 911 and that’s what we did,” said Morris. Neighbors say they called police after they saw Lawson pull down his pants get on his knees and allow the dog to “mount him.” “We wouldn’t have thought that somebody, I am just going to say it, raping my dog cause that is what he did, I had to tell Adam he didn’t do anything wrong. The man did something wrong.” Morris said she believes the abuse has been going on for nearly a month because Adam has been acting strange. Witnesses who saw the act told police the dog mounted the suspect on at least three total occasions within an hour’s time. “I feel like I let Adam down, that’s how you feel, as a parent, if you are a parent and your child gets violated like that. You would feel like you let that child down because you were not there to protect him…and that’s how I feel…” Lawson has been charged with a Criminal Offense Against an Animal.

Caroline, seriously, did you say this dude raped your dog? Because from where I’m standing it looks like the exact opposite. Now I’m not condoning his actions as getting butt-secked by a German Shepherd is like top 10 things I don’t think people should do, but if anything your dog — whose name I’m guessing is being kept from this story to protect his identity — raped Mr. Kimberly. I’m just saying it’s important to keep track of who is banging who here. Someone who gets on all fours and demands to be banged in the butt is not a rapist — they’re an instigator. Your horny dog just took the bait. Three times in one hour I hear. Maybe if you concentrated more on getting man’s best friend a little puppy pussy and less on keeping him chained up alone he wouldn’t have to lust after strange men with girls names.