Porn Gang Trying To Kidnap Saddam Hussein Look-A-Like?

(Gawker) – Mohamed Bishr not only has to deal with people on the street harassing him for looking like Saddam Hussein—he also has to evade the Iraqi gang that’s trying to kidnap him and force him to star in their porn movies. And you thought you had problems. According to al-Ahram, the porn gang recently beat up Bishr after trying to steal him. “[T]hree men, who had guns hanging from their belts, forced me out of my car and shoved me into a van, hitting my head,” Bishr said “from his hospital bed.” During the van ride, the men began arguing, then—for whatever reason—ejected him from the van. Bishr, who lives in Alexandria, Egypt, suffered face and head injuries.Bishr’s son says his dad had turned down an offer of $333,000 to act like Hussein in a sex movie; apparently life hasn’t been the same ever since. “We asked the police to put special protection on our father, because this has happened to us several times,” the son said.

First of all, I’m pretty sure that is the weirdest headline I have ever written. Second of all, that dude looks EXACTLY like Saddam. Third, is this kidnapping porn gang a bunch of sneaky geniuses? Like what is the internet all about? It’s about creating viral content and monetizing it. You know what would go viral in a heartbeat? A smut film starring the Baghdad Banger himself. Last time the internet saw Saddam he was hanging from the fucking gallows. Imagine if he just burst back on the scene, deep-dicking 40 vigrins all over the place? I think the internet would break. I mean it almost broke when Blake Lively naked pics leaked, and I’m pretty sure she’s still alive. Dead dictator + sex + reincarnation = $$$. That’s like the only equation I remember from calculus but I’m sure it still rings true today. What, you want me to tell you I wouldn’t watch it? Of course I’d watch it, I’m not going to lie to you. I probably wouldn’t jerk-off to it, but I’d definitely watch it.

PS – I’d definitely jerk-off to it.

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