Archive for November, 2011

6 Year Old Sex Offender?

November 30, 2011

 

Uhhh sooo when do I get to finger you?

WisconsinParents of a five-year-old girl in Grant County, Wisconsin are pressing charges for first-degree sexual assault against a then six-year-old (now seven-year-old) boy. The accusation? Playing doctor with their daughter. Although too young to be prosecuted, the boy could be listed on the permanent sex offender registry when he turns 18. The boy’s parents are suing Grant County District Attorney, Lisa Riniker, a social worker and a former Sheriff’s Office investigator. The plaintiffs, who are listed on the complaint as Jennifer and Kurtis B., tried to get Riniker to drop the charges. She replied, ”The legislature could have put an age restriction in the statute if it wanted to. The legislature did no such thing.” They are asking $12 million in damages. The petition for protection or services states that the girl’s mother found her daughter “with her skirt and underpants around her ankles,” and the boy allegedly penetrating her. The girl said they were playing “butt doctor” and said the boy only touched the outside of her body. The girl is listed in the complaint as the “daughter of a well-known political figure in Grant County.” Her brother was allegedly involved in the ‘doctor’ game as well. He is not being charged. The social worker, Jan Moravits, is the girl’s aunt.

I was all set to rip this family for being so touchy and suing this boy for just playing a game and acting curious.

And then I got to the part about playing butt doctor. Hey little man I don’t know where you learned to play doctor, but where I came from “playing doctor” meant I played with my mom’s stethoscope and pretended to give a syringe shot in the arm. I didn’t fingerblast chicks with their underwear around their ankles, bro. I mean I know he’s only 6 years old but it already sounds like he’s a little bit retarded and if you’re exploring chicks asses before you’re in elementary school you can rest assured this kid is gonna be a sex offender.

Share a first kiss with the girl next door playing make believe? No problem. Show me yours I’ll show you mine? Fine. Classic behavior from kids. A little edgy, and kids who do that usually turn into sluts and womanizers, but thats all good. Tell a chick your an ass doctor and penetrate her? I don’t care if you’re 6 or 66 there’s something wrong with you.

PS – The little girl is undoubtedly on a path to become a porn star. Can’t you just see her like 20 years from now on Howard Stern? “When was your first sexual experience?” “Playing butt doctor when I was 5″ with Robin Quivers laughing in the background and Howard breathing heavy into the mic.

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Could Lebron James Play Football?

November 30, 2011

Yesterday on Monday night football, Saint TE Jimmy Graham torched the giants defense for 5 rec, 84 yards and 2 touchdowns. What caught my attention when I heard the announcer say that Graham never played high school football and only played 1 year of college football. The 6’6 260 lb. Graham was a basketabll player at the University of Miami.

Lebron James stand 6’8 250 lbs. James is arguably the best athlete in the world. Lebron was an all-state reciever his sophmore year of high school at St. Vincent-St. Mary’s before giving it up to concentrate on basketball full time. I think Lebron would be impossible to cover. He’s built like Terrell Owens, he runs like a point guard, and could jump out of the stadium. Randy Moss made a living scoring red zone touchdowns by simply outjumping 5’11 defensive backs. Now imagine throwing to this 6’8 freak of nature. Lebron is taller than Randy Moss and could definitely jump higher. Calvin Johnson makes people like foolish on a weekly basis. Lebron is bigger, faster and probably stronger.

 Two of the best TE’s in football were both college basketball players, Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez. Now I’m not saying every NBA reject could dominate in the NFL. What I’m saying is that people who are freak athletes could definitely dominate in multiple sports. Could Lebron play in the NFL? Hell yeah. Would he? Probably not.   But what if …?

Worlds Fattest Man Wants Surgery?

November 29, 2011

Digital JournalThe world’s former fattest man is in the headlines again. This time he is complaining that the NHS has refused to perform an operation to remove the unsightly vast swathes of loose skin he was left with following a gastric bypass operation. The Englishman who was labelled the fattest man in the world until he received a £30,000 gastric bypass operation on the National Health Service, is in the news again. Paul Mason, 50, weighed 70 stone (980 lbs) at one point, spending £75 a day on food to feed his gluttonous habit of takeaways and chocolate which fed his 20,000 calorie a day habit. Following surgery which reduced his weight to 37 stone by the beginning of 2011, Mason was reportedly set to sue the NHS, not for any complications with the operation but because he blamed the NHS for not helping him control his weight. According to the Daily Mail, Mason said “I want to set a precedent so no one else has to get to the same size.” Instead of taking personal responsibility for his weight gain Mason believed the NHS was at fault for sending him to a dietitian rather than an eating disorder specialist. In fact, it transpires that Mason’s weight problems have cost the NHS up to £1 million. The latest decision to refuse his immediate request for an operation to surgically remove his vast folds of excess skin have angered him, although the decision was reached by a panel of clinicians that determined

Hey bro how about you hit the gym and work on those tris! Looks like you could afford to tighten those up a bit.

Honestly I think I’d rather just be 900 pounds than be 420 with pizza dough flab hanging off my body. Right? Like you’re sitll 420 pounds. Not exactly a showstopper turning heads when you walk in the bar. Your “before and after” ain’t exactly flattering. If we’re talking about going from like 500 to 200 pounds I can understand. Then I’d find a way to handle the flab. But if I’m gonna be 400 pounds with gooey skin dripping off my skeleton I might as well just be a full metric ton and regain the title of World’s Fattest Man.

Go big or go home. Either be skinny or be fat. Nobody likes skinny-fat.

9/11 Dance?

November 29, 2011

ESPN – A few Jets players took offense to the dance, including the airplane flying and then crashing to the ground. That was the move that earned the penalty, but Sione Pouha, a team captain, inferred something more. “Us being from New York … that airplane thing, in my opinion, was kind of a dagger a little bit, concerning the circumstances we just remembered — Sept. 11,” Pouha said. “We all stand for pride in this region and that’s a sacred moment. For a lot of people, it’s a sobering moment.”

Listen everybody knows that pro athletes tend to stay stupid things. But having said that even I was astounded by this statement. Sione Pouha somehow trying to equate Stevie Johnson’s Plaxico Burress TD dance with 9/11. How do you even respond to that? Like bro are you even on earth right now? And this guy is the fucking captain of the team?  This is your leader?  I mean I always knew the Jets were delusional but this is fucking wild. Turning Stevie Johnson making fun of Plaxico Burress shooting himself into him making fun of 9/11.  Only the Jets man. Only the Jets.

Kim Kardashian Naked Yoga?

November 28, 2011

 

dailymail – The honeymoon period really didn’t last long for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The warring couple were seen coming to blows last night during the season premiere of Kourtney & Kim Take New York aired on U.S. television. After mounting tensions, Kris ends up moving out of their New York hotel – and bizarrely it is a naked male yoga instructor who proves to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. In the culmination of the hour-long show, Kris is left incensed after walking in on Kim, her sister Kourtney and friends taking part in a naked yoga session. As it turns out, it is only the male instructor who bares everything – but even though Kim keeps her clothes one, Kris I not happy about her being in the company of a naked man. ‘That is disgusting,’ he exclaims as he opens the door. ‘This is my home. This is disrespectful,’ he goes on. ‘You are so immature I can’t take it,’ Kim fires back after Kris makes his feelings known in front of the instructor.

Say whatever you want about the Kardashian’s but those sluts have balls. I mean it’s bad enough letting your yoga instructor get naked, but to do it while your fiancé is in the other room? And then to have the audacity to say he’s immature because he got mad when he walked in and saw this dude’s balls bouncing on your ass. I don’t know how Kris Humphries didn’t kill this bitch right on the spot. Seriously I’d almost rather walk in on the First Lady flat out fucking a dude than walk in on her having a naked yoga class in my living room. What do you think I don’t watch porn? You think I don’t know what fucking happens next? You think I’m that dumb? Obviously this dude and his horse cock is going to come over and teach you a move and  slip his dick in your mouth by “accident”. It happens 100% of the time.

It’s just so fucking demeaning for a slut to think she can get away with this shit. That she can have a dude just sitting there with his dick hanging out like it ain’t no thing. Just leaking precum all over my carpet and shit while asking me to get him a glass of water. Like if you’re going to cheat on me at least have the dignity of trying to hide it. Not just have naked yoga man cuckholding me in my own living room with his dick all up in my shit.

Dirtiest Player in the Game?

November 25, 2011

Ndamukong Suh was ejected from the Lions Thanksgiving game for stomping packers offensive lineman Evan Dietrich Smith in the chest.   Ndamuknog Suh is a dirty player.  He’s like a bad guy in the WWF from the 90′s.  He’s a heel in every sense of the word.  He’s like Ric Flair.   Ric Flair was a chubby old guy whose arsenal consisted of nut shots and eye pokes.  But he got the job done.   So does Suh.  Personally, I like Suh’s style.  I would put him on my team any day of the week.  Just a big, angry, pissed off 300  lb. African that wants to rip your  head off.

 

Homo Thug?

November 25, 2011

Do you know what the worst kind of homo is?  A homo thug?  You shouldn’t act hard if you’re a queer, sorry.  Oh, I’m mean, I know, I know.  I’m just joking.  If you can take a dick, you can take a joke.  Faggot.

Ghetto White Chicks?

November 24, 2011
 

Start with an innocent blond girl.  Everybody has a girl like this that they grew up with.  Cute white girl, good family, lives in a nice house.  And then something happens.   She starts fucking a couple of black guys and all of a sudden sweet little Jenny becomes:

Jenniqua.  I’m sorry, but white girls with braids are just ridiculous.   Like you can’t really expect to be taken seriously walking around like this. 
Umm….. you can’t go to school dressed like that.  You look like a slutty Rainbow Bright.  Not a bad ass though.  As ridiculous as it is, I think that I would still fuck her.

It’s Crypt picture day.  I hate neck tattoos.  Neck tattoos are like the epitome of white trash.  The second you get a neck tattoo you’re basically giving up on ever having a real career.  The only jobs that you can have with a neck tattoo are stripper, NBA player or prostitute. 

Look Rican for the camera sweety.

 Wait, does she have a gold tooth?  You got to be shittin’ me.

I

Actual Caption,”real nigga shyt”

Remember the girl from the beginning? Me neither.

Deangelo Hall asks to get cut?

November 23, 2011

After Sundays game vs. the Cowboys Deangelo Hall was quoted as saying:

“I can’t point a finger at anybody but myself,” he said. “The way I’m playing right now, they need to go cut me, because I’m definitely not worth what I’m getting. You can’t slip. I’m the reason we lost the game. Second time in a row against Dallas. I’m definitely a little P.O.’d at myself.”

Deangelo, I know what you’re trying to do bro, and it ain’t working.  Only chicks do shit like this.  “If I was you, I would just break up with me, I don’t deserve you.”  Shut the fuck up with that shit.  The Redskins should cut your ass, and not because you got toasted for 2 touchdowns and Sunday.  They should cut you because you’re a fucking pussy.  Man the fuck up.  Get the sand out of your vagina and play football.  Shit, man.  I swear that I should be in the NFL sometimes.

Kenyan Loses His Feet?

November 22, 2011

(Newser) – A top college runner at the University of Alaska in Anchorage has lost both his feet to amputation after severe frostbite. Marko Cheseto, 28, disappeared in a snowstorm earlier this month wearing only jeans, running shoes and a light jacket. He was found outside a hotel two days later with hypothermia and extreme frostbite. University police said the Kenyan disappeared because of a “personal crisis,” the Anchorage Daily News reports. Cheseto, a two-time NCAA All-American runner, had reportedly been depressed over the suicide of a friend and teammate who came from the same village. In a statement, he thanked those who searched for him and promised to do his best to give back to the community. The university’s athletic director says Cheseto, a nursing major, plans to continue his studies and may even run again someday. “There’s some miraculous things in this day and age,” he says. “We’ll just have to see what the future holds.”

Bro I feel bad that your friend and village-mate killed himself but what in the fuck are you doing in Alaska to begin with? How does a Kenyan go to the University of Alaska to run? Thats legitimately the last place anyone from Africa should go. Alaska ain’t the Serengeti dude. You walk outside in some Levis, Asics and a windbreaker and you ain’t coming back with feet.

You can pretty much cuncel this Kenyan too. I mean what is this dude supposed to do now? A Kenyan without feet is like an Asian without their calculator. An Arab without a taxi cab. A Mexican without a lawnmower. You take that away and you take away their livelihood. Marko probably would have rather lost his dick and balls to frostbite than his moneymakers. Just a true tragedy in every sense of the word.