Honey, What do you Really Think of my Body?

Dailymail – Could you bear to hear the truth about what your spouse really thinks of your naked body? Does she loathe your love handles? Does he secretly wish you’d tone up that tummy? Here, five brave couples shed their clothes and reveal their innermost thoughts about their partner’s bodies…

So I saw this article a couple days ago.  What five spouses really think of each other’s bodies naked.  Figured it would just be dudes laying into how gross their wives look and telling them why they are forced to cheat and shit.  Nope.   Shit was a  joke.   What’s the point of saying you are going to reveal your innermost thoughts about your girlfriend/wife’s body if you’re just going to fucking lie about it?    And since we pride ourselves on telling it like it is here at the Stool I figured I owed it to America to give this article the Pres treatment.

MARK ON KAREN

Karen has a very curvaceous body and I’ve always found her very sexy. I don’t like skinny women, I like something to get hold of. She likes Jennifer Aniston’s physique, but for me, someone curvy like Kate Winslet is much more beautiful. I know Karen is not particularly happy with her B-cup breasts, but there’s nothing wrong with them. Yes, they’ve dropped a bit because she’s had kids, but so what? I wouldn’t want them any bigger or smaller — they’re just right. She has a nice nipped-in waist and curvy hips. And I love her bottom. She says she hates her thighs, but her legs are very toned.

MADCHUCK

Chick ain’t bad looking, but her tits have dropped a little bit?  Umm bro she’s got pancake tits.  Seriously it looks like her nips are almost touching the floor.  Also a couple crunches wouldn’t kill anybody.  Because when your belly button starts looking like chinese eyes you got a problem.

JOHN ON YASMIN


I find Yasmin’s body as big a turn-on today as I did 31 years ago. She’s put on a bit of weight recently but as most of it has settled on her breasts, that’s no bad thing as far as I’m concerned! She’s more than 9st for the first time in her life — her weight usually hovers at a few pounds under that — but I think she still looks utterly fantastic. Even when she was pregnant in the Seventies, she looked gorgeous. She lost the baby weight quickly and retained her slender figure throughout the Eighties and Nineties. These days, she complains that her tummy is a bit saggy and her legs are too thin but to me she looks the same to me as she’s always done. What I can’t take my eyes off when she’s naked is her amazing skin — it’s always so silky and smooth. You just want to stroke it.’

MADCHUCK

There is just no way anybody on earth can find this woman sexy.   And why is she complaining that her legs are too skinny?  Honey you got bigger problems than skinny legs.  Like how about the fact your belly looks like it is folded over another belly.  I’d worry about that and your overall grossness level before worrying about your skinny legs.  But at least you got decent skin so you got that going for ya…

CHRISTOPHER ON DENISE


Since we met 21 years ago, Denise has put on a bit of weight, but she was too thin before. We settled into a period of contentment and both put on weight. I went up to over 15st — far too much for my 5ft 8in. I’ve no idea what Denise weighed, but she was definitely rounder. Now we’re settled at a good weight. Denise could still do with losing a few pounds around her middle, but she’s had two kids and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I tell her she looks lovely whatever shape or size she is.  She looks fantastic in a pair of nice, figure-hugging trousers. Her boobs are perfect and she’s got nice legs, too.

MADCHUCK

Denise has put on a bit of weight?  Well that’s got to be the euphemism of the year.   This guy needs to find a new whip.  Like he’s in better shape than I am.  His wife is plain old fat.    No other way to describe it.   He has to be getting laid on the side.  No other way to describe why he sticks with her.

KEIRAN ON DEBORAH

KEIRAN ON DEBORAH

Deborah’s skin is always tanned and smooth; such a lovely contrast to my pale, Irish complexion. She’s had eczema in the past and I hate it when she scratches at it, making her gorgeous skin bleed. She has a perfect hourglass  figure, a lovely bottom, shapely legs and soft brown eyes. I love her breasts — she’s a 34B which is just right for her figure. But her best bit is her smile. It lights up her face. She’s always talking about the fact she doesn’t like the rolls of skin between her breasts and stomach, but I really can’t see anything wrong. She used to be very skinny when she was younger, but I wouldn’t want her to be too thin.

MADCHUCK

I guess all things considered Carrot Top didn’t do to bad for himself.   My only question is what is he gonna do when she moves into a nursing home in 10 years?  I mean she’s got to be at least 55 right?   Just rocking the cradle like a mofo.

ADRIAN ON LOUISE


When I met Louise, she’d recently divorced and wasn’t eating properly. She’d shrunk to a size six to eight. Of course I found her attractive, but now she’s a size 10-12, she’s far sexier.  For me, there’s nothing worse than that horrible ‘Essex girl’ look of skinny bottom half combined with large fake boobs. Louise’s B-cup breasts are her best bit, they’re a lovely shape and size. The worst bit is her stomach. It’s a bit ‘muffin top’ with quite a few stretch marks, thanks to two pregnancies. I know she hates it and feels self-conscious, but I can hardly talk when at 17st I’ve got a large stomach myself. And it doesn’t put me off — she’s a whole package, not just a few body parts.

MADCHUCK

This guy is by far the most delusional of the entire group.  Like why agree to do this survey if you’re just going to lie right in my face?  “Oh I hate those skinny girls with great asses and huge boob.  They’re the worst.   Give me a size 10-12 over a size six any day of the week.  My wife used to have an anorexia and look like those disgusting bitches” Hey newsflash bro you have an eating disorder when you’re a size 10 not when you’re a size 6.  Maybe if your wife stopped arm wrestling you for the last cupcake she’d get rid of that muffin top which literally will haunt my dreams tonight.  Seriously that is muffin top to the max.

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