I’m in Love

(TSG)Meet Michelle Watson. The 24-year-old motorist had an eventful Thursday evening, according to cops in Prescott, Arizona. The intoxicated Watson, driving a Honda Civic, allegedly: Hit “numerous curbs” and drove on the sidewalk , said, “I don’t have to walk fucking anywhere” when approached by a cop, Shoved an officer after declining to take field sobriety tests, Had to be taken to the ground while scuffling with a cop, Kneed a second officer in the crotch while being handcuffed, Repeatedly cursed at police, Kicked the inside of a squad car Despite all this, Watson was beaming and flashing two thumbs up when she posed for the above booking photo at the Yavapai County Jail (her blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit). As detailed in a Prescott Police Department report, Watson was charged with aggravated assault on a cop, resisting arrest, and “DUI-super extreme.”

I’m gonna be honest. I love me some crazy. I fucking need it. If a girl has got a flare for the dramatics, then she’s the girl for me. The more deranged the better. And you know who fits the bill? Michelle Watson. I’m not exaggerating when I say I might be in love with her. If this police report and mugshot was presented as a match.com profile instead of an article on The Smoking Gun then I’d be flooding the hell out of her inbox. Just strikes me as the kinda girl that will get hammered with you, bang you in the coat room, claim you raped her, and when you break up with her over that threaten to commit suicide. Sure, that kind of relationship may not be for everybody but it will have me getting cavity searches just for a chance at a conjugal every single time. Yea I guess there’s a chance she kicks me in the dick or gnaws my face-off but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Standard relationships are boring as shit. When you’re dealing with a sociopath you never know what you’re going to get. Hard for a relationship to lose its passion when you’re banging a different person every time.

Oh and DUI-super extreme, that’s a thing? Sucks that Michelle got pulled over by Officer Wormer.


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