The Sun – HOLLYWOOD makes fun of 40-year-old virgins but for Charlotte Baird it is not a scary prospect. She turns 40 in May and has never even KISSED a man, let alone slept with one. Charlotte made the decision at 11 that the first man she slept with would be The One — and she hasn’t met him yet. She says: “I know it will shock many people that I still haven’t slept with a man at my age but I have always been happy with my decision. “Living a life of celibacy makes me feel secure and in control of my life. “This is why I choose to be open and honest about my decision. “Being celibate suits me and as I have never had sex, I don’t miss it.” She says: “I love my life and just because I haven’t ‘done the deed’ doesn’t make me weird. “I’m happy knowing that one day I will have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with a man I love. “At the moment being celibate is quite fashionable, as it means being in control of your life. “My dad’s never questioned me about it,” says Charlotte. “Probably because he’s a man and he’s embarrassed. My mum does find it baffling.” “Obviously meeting Mr Right would be wonderful, but I’m in no rush,” she says. There are a few things my perfect man would have. “He would have to be tall, an animal lover who is young at heart, but also very responsible.
One of my favorite excuses of all time. “Oh no, don’t worry. I actually like it this way.” Yea, sure you do, sweetheart. You don’t want to have sex, has nothing to do with the fact that you look like Buzz’s girlfriend. Woof. I use this excuse every chance I can get. I tell Yankee fans all the time that I like being a Mets fan because if they ever win a World Series, I’ll appreciate it so much more than the spoiled Yankees fans who win them all the time. Its gonna be so much more special. Yea fuckin right! I’d love to be spoiled by too many World Series rings. If I had my way I’d win so many championships that I wouldn’t even be fazed by them anymore.
Thats like this bitch here. Ohh it will be so much more special for me when it finally happens, thats why I choose not to. Whatever you say toots. The reason the Mets don’t win the World Series is because they fucking suck and the reason Prince Charming is knocking on the door of your pussy is because you’re ugly and people think you’re a weirdo. If the Mets could start winning World Series and suitors were lining up to knock the dust off your pussy, you and me would both be as happy as a pig in shit, sister. Spare me the dog and pony show about “I like it this way.” Its like when I burn my grilled cheese and tell people “Its ok, I like it a little black.” Just covering my ass because I’m about to eat a shitty sandwich.
PS – “My dad’s never questioned me about it.” What a fucking surprise! Of course your dad hasn’t brought up the fact that you’re a celibate weirdo. Whats the old saying? “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?” Thats just like this situation here except its more like “If your daughter ain’t getting fucked, don’t tell her she should go out and get fucked.” By the time chicks are like 18 fathers usually have to accept the fact that dicks are gonna penetrate their daughter. This dude has lucked out an additional 20 years