Marrying a Building?

ArbroathBabylonia Aivaz’s love knows no bounds – that’s why she will marry a 107-year-old doomed warehouse in Seattle later today. The Seattle activist has planned the weekend ceremony because she is head over heels in love, and she also wants to make a statement against the warehouse’s slated demolition. A luxury apartment complex will be built in its place, and Aivaz is mourning the loss of a place she and other protesters have inhabited for more than a month. ‘If corporations can have the rights as people, so can buildings,’ said Aivaz, referencing a Supreme Court decision on political advertising. ‘I’m doing this to show the building how much I love it, how much I love community space and how much I love this neighborhood. And I want to stop it from gentrification.’ She is calling the upcoming ceremony a ‘gay union’. The public is invited to the wedding, and encouraged to bring food.

 

Honey, Honey — I get it. You don’t like cookie-cutter condos, The Man is about to demolish that old building that you and your high school friend used to get high in, and you’ve found a clever way to play on the “corporations are people” line to try to get what you want. Totally understand, but the thing is this ain’t the way to do it. And you’ll probably never know this because you’re a dumb, misguided, excruciatingly-painful-to-watch hipster about to enter into a faux object sexual gay marriage with a warehouse. Gentrification? Are you fucking serious? Does Seattle have a large Haitian population that’s getting moved out by mom & pop coffee shops and condo yuppies? Seriously doubt that.  Calm the fuck down, take off the wedding dress, and bring your ugly ridiculous ass back to earth.

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