Florida – A young model allegedly set a fire that caused one of the world’s oldest cypress trees to burn and collapse because she needed light in the darkness to see what drugs she was doing. Sara Barnes, 26, of Winter Park, Florida, was identified by two witnesses as the person who caused the 118ft bald cypress tree named ‘The Senator’ to burn and collapse on January 16, police said. The woman allegedly took photos of the fire on the 3,500-year-old tree with her phone but did not call 911 – and authorities found methamphetamine, scales and drug paraphernalia at her home.
So to put this in perspective, 15 centuries before Christ, around the time the Israelites were making the Exodus from Egypt and the Myceneans were conquering Greece, this tree sprung up out of the ground in Florida. It survived floods, droughts, innumerable hurricanes and human development. And it was still alive. One of the oldest living beings on Earth. And in a few seconds, one skanky meth-ho destroyed it. What kind of a hippie is this chick anyway? Aren’t the Sara Barnes’ of the world the ones who cry when they cut down a tree because they think trees are more important than people? This chick is a bigger failure as a hippie than she is as a “model.” And that’s saying something.
Look, I’m no tree hugger. I appreciate the fact that plenty of the damn things were cut down to build the floors, walls, roof and bed I sleep in every night. And there’s plenty more where they came from. But this story makes even me sad. There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of men for this treachery.