The Divorce?

DMA woman who was refused to a divorce by her husband allegedly planned to kill him by injecting him with a stolen paralyzing drug. Douglas Splawn of Spartanburg, South Carolina told police he discovered his wife Dianne had stolen the potentially lethal drug from the hospital where she worked. He told investigators when his wife had asked for a divorce he refused, telling her that marriage was ’till death do us part.’ His 38-year-old wife replied, ‘That will be sooner than you think.’

I bet everyone is sitting here thinking, “Douglas Splawn is nuts! Why wouldn’t he just divorce this fat cow?!” And that’s a reasonable response, I guess. But you know what sucks worse than being married to some fatty? Being the middle aged divorcee who needs to get back into the dating game. It’s like trying to come out of retirement only to realize the game has passed you by. You’ve lost a step. Don’t have the bat speed to get around anymore. Everyone around town is whispering about how bad they feel for you since your wife left you. Not to mention the fact she gets half of your money. No thanks. I’ll stay married to the whale and risk paralysis every time. The vows said “til death” not “until my central nervous system” do us part, toots.

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