Hulk Hogan Sex Tape?

TMZ) – A sex tape featuring legendary wrestler Hulk Hogan has surfaced — and TMZ has learned, it’s currently being shopped to a major porn studio.  We’ve seen a portion of the grainy footage — featuring Hulk getting undressed and a naked, unidentified brunette lying on a bed. The woman is NOT his ex-wife Linda or his current wife Jennifer McDaniel.  In the clip, Hulk pulls his shirt off and brags to his companion, “I started to work out again.” Hulk then runs his hands through his blonde hair like he always does.  The best part … Hulk’s thong-shaped tan line.  It’s unclear when the tape was shot — but Vivid honcho Steve Hirsch tells TMZ, he was approached with the tape very recently by a third party.

Anyone who claims they wouldn’t watch this sex tape should be placed in internment camps immediately. Sent to Guantanamo or some shit because they’re clearly a terrorist. A Hulk Hogan sex tape is flat out as American as America gets. It makes apple pie look like baklava. Pure patriotism with each and every stroke. You’d have the urge to get up and say the pledge of allegiance as soon as he finished. It’s been rumored that Hulk Hogan has a tiny dick, it’s been rumored that he’s gay, his real name is Terry Gene. All that shit is weird as fuck, I’ll give you that. But let’s not get it twisted: Hulk Hogan ripping his shirt down the middle, fucking some brunette, then giving her the Leg Drop right after he finishes is the definition of erotic cinema. I just hope I could stay hard the whole time because I’d definitely be nervous that Andre the Giant was gonna kick in the door and bash Hulk with a steal chair then pin his girl.

Imagine The Hulkster plowing out some broad from behind with his patented hand to his ear? Dirty talk the whole time like “Take that dick, BROTHER!” Giving out mustache rides on that big old bleach blond handlebar. I think I’d need Jerry the King Lawler and JR to announce the whole session as well. “OH DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! HULKSTER PUT IT IN HER ASS! ITS IN HER ASS!” The King in the background yelling about her puppies. It would be perfect.

PS – love the “I started to work out again” move from Hulk. Say that shit every time. Oh yea I’m a little out of shape but I did just join a new gym so I should be bouncing back soon. No chance.

Vote 1 for the only

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