DM – On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when a stewardess came over and gave me a bottle of champagne. ‘This is from the captain — he wants to welcome you on board and hopes you have a great flight today,’ she explained. You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me. Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don’t know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris. Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers. Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill. And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day.
Well this undoubtedly proves that there is no one worse at judging a woman’s hotness than a woman. Like I truly think all women are disabled or retarded or something. They’re like Shallow Hal. No matter what they put on or what they look like, they think they’re the hottest thing ever. This chick wakes up and says nothing but “Mirror, mirror on the wall: fuck whatever you say because holy shit I’m nailing this look!” It makes no sense to me. There’s no way Samantha Brick should have been able to write this article with a straight face. I know what “so hot I don’t need a bank account” looks like, and Sam here ain’t it. I wouldn’t even buy her a free glass of water let alone a train ticket and a bottle of champagne.
I guess her husband is lucky though. Nothing says “I have the perfect wife” like a woman who writes articles about how sexy she is. And I’m sure he never has to answer questions like “do I look fat in these jeans?” because let’s be honest, Samantha has never once thought Samantha looked fat.