FORT PIERCE, Fla. – A woman was arrested and suspected of stealing a car after she was caught defecating on the side of Interstate 95… Melissa Mansfield told a Florida Highway Patrol trooper she was “going to the bathroom” when he approached her on the side of the highway on April 7… the trooper checked the plate number and called the owner, the owner said he wasn’t familiar with Mansfield. The man said he went inside his home in the Florida Keys for just a minute, and when he came back out, his car was gone, the report said. After the trooper found multiple open beer bottles inside the car, he placed Mansfield, age 31 or 32, under arrest.
Grand Theft Auto 101: If you’re going to get drunk and steal a car, just make sure you’ve taken a dump beforehand. Like if I’m not mistaken, Michelle Rodriquez and Jordana Brewster had that very conversation in the first “Fast and the Furious.” And that was a very smart movie. I suppose that’s true of any long car trip. As a general rule I’d rather have my lower intestines explode all over the interior than drop a deuce in your highway McDonald’s or rest stop men’s room. I mean, you can pee on the shoulder of the road, but even in Florida, law enforcement still considers it suspicious when a 31 year old chick is dropping the Finless Brownfish in the breakdown lane of 95 like that. And Pro Tip: Don’t get any ideas about using those empty beer bottles either. That always ends badly:
Also, she aint that bad looking for a chick taking a shit on the side of the road.