Archive for May, 2012

Teacher Sex Bet?

May 31, 2012

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NY PostHe got the girl — and he got paid! The high-school senior  caught on camera locking lips with his hot-to-trot teacher won a bet  with four of his buddies to see who would hook up with her first, The  Post has learned. Eric Arty, 18, beat his pals — who each ponied  up $100 — to win the jackpot as well as the affections of glamorous  global-studies teacher Julie Warning, 26. “It was a bet with a  group of his friends,” said Andrew Cabrera, a junior at Manhattan  Theater Lab HS, where Warning worked until Tuesday, when she was  reassigned to an administrative job.  “They gave him the $500 [pot],’’ Cabrera said, referring to Eric and  the four other contenders who made their wager about three months into  the school year. Their romance was first reported yesterday by The  Post — which ran a front-page picture of the duo smooching Friday at  Bleecker Playground in the Village. The case has been turned over to the Department of Education Special Commissioner of Investigations.  Cabrera dished yesterday that Arty began the race as a long shot. “He  would go after class and basically try to seduce her,’’ he said. “I  don’t know if she knew [about the bet]. They were all trying to get with  her. One of his [Arty’s] friends flirted with her more than anyone — I  thought he would be the one, but Eric came out of nowhere and got her.” Other  students described how Warning at first tried to resist the teenagers’  charms — throwing them out of her classroom when they would turn up to  hit on her. “He [Arty] would flirt with her,” said one junior who  requested anonymity because school officials warned students not to  talk. “She would try to avoid it because she was his teacher. She was a  nice teacher and didn’t want to report him, and she would throw him and  his friends out of class for trying to flirt with her,” the student  said.

How cocky is this kid right now? No joke this kid is as cool as it comes right now on planet earth. Forget about the professional athletes and movie stars and billionaires out there killing it – if I could switch shoes with one person for a day it would be this dude just to feel what he’s feeling at this moment. Because there is simply no better feeling than this as a man. He was the underdog. The long shot. The dark horse. And somehow he fucked the teacher Smokeshow of the century. And not only did you fuck a smoke, not only did you snatch the forbidden fruit, not only did you beat your friends out as the Cinderella story, but you’ve also got 500 bucks to show for it. This story captures every man’s inherent need to fuck, compete, break the rules, all while overcoming the odds and earning money. This kid banging his 26 year old smoke teacher may have been the most manly thing of all time. Bravo Eric Artly. Bravo. A true Cinderella Man. I’m sure your black cock didn’t hurt your chances, but a true Cinderella Man nonetheless.

Fuck the Austin Wranglers?

May 30, 2012

ESPNTerrell Owens’ tenure in the Indoor Football League came to an unceremonious end Tuesday when the Allen Wranglers released the controversial former NFL receiver. Owens signed with the Wranglers in February, receiving a six-figure salary and an ownership stake in the franchise located about 30 minutes north of Dallas. Owner Jon Frankel said Owens’ ownership stake has been terminated because he violated his contract. Frankel cited Owens’ refusal to play in two upcoming road games that are critical to the Wranglers’ playoff hopes and Owens’ no-show for a scheduled appearance at a local children’s hospital as the breaking points in the team’s relationship with the receiver. “Our fans are amongst the best in the league, and it is impossible to maintain a player when even our fans notice and comment on a player’s lack of effort both on and off the field,” Frankel said in a statement released to ESPNDallas.com. “We need to do what is best for this team, our fans and this community.” Owens, who was not required to play in all of the Wranglers’ road games, could not be immediately reached for comment. “It’s disappointing and unfortunate,” Frankel said of releasing Owens, “but (he) could no longer be tolerated by the Wrangler organization.”

This smells like bullshit.  I’m as critical of Terrell Owens as the next Eagles fan, but the Wranglers went ahead and fired a guy not required to play road games for not playing road games?  Doesn’t even make sense.   This has Office Space 15 pieces of flair minimum written all over it.  If you want TO to give a shit about the Wranglers making the playoffs I guess you should’ve given the man an incentive to care about the playoffs.  A playoff bonus would’ve helped here.  Or a stipulation that requires him to play road games if the team was within 1-2 games of the lead.  But there wasn’t any of that.  If you wanted Terrell Owens to wear 37 pieces of flair you should have made the minimum 37 pieces of flair!

This is nothing but a PR stunt by the Wranglers ownership.  They get the PR boost from the firing, save the percentages they would have had to pay TO as part owner, and look like tough guys in front of their fans.  It’s all bullshit.  Firing a guy over a missed children’s hospital visit?  A hospital visit?  Not a game, not a game, not a game…a hospital visit.  That’s a fine, not a firing.  It was all a set up.

Nice headline-grabbing quote by Wranglers owner Jon Frankel, too.  “(He) could no longer be tolerated by the Wrangler organization.”  What a tough guy.

Drunk Drivin’?

May 30, 2012

NY PostA Long Island prosecutor said today that a preliminary field test  indicated that the Brooklyn woman who crashed through a house had  consumed about 15 drinks before the accident. Police arrested 21-year-old Sophia Anderson following the crash Monday at 4 a.m. in Huntington. Anderson is accused of DWI after her red Mercedes-Benz CLK 320 in the rear of 96-year-old Helen Indiere’s once-tidy home. The car smashed through the home, ending up in the backyard. She suffered scrapes and bruises, while an unidentified passenger was not injured. Indiere who was inside the house and her caretaker were miraculously not injured. Anderson pleaded not guilty on Tuesday. Bail was set at $50,000. A Nassau County prosecutor said a preliminary field test at the crash scene indicated a blood-alcohol reading of 0.30. Each alcoholic drink raises the level by about 0.02. The legal limit is 0.08. Anderson’s lawyer questioned the validity of the sobriety test. Authorities  estimated that Anderson was driving “at least” 40 to 50 mph down Browns  Road when she got to the flashing red lights at the T-intersection with  Southdown Road.  Instead of turning right or left, she went straight onto the front yard  and punched sedan-size holes through Indiere’s house as the woman and a  home-health aide slept inside. The car slammed into a cypress tree, and its rear wheels landed atop some shrubs. “It sounded like a wrecking ball,” said neighbor Kimberly Steinberg. The 42-year-old woman said she ran outside and heard people yelling and glass breaking. “I thought it was a fire,” Steinberg said. “All I saw was a red glow. I heard people making noise and glass breaking.

Maybe a 7. I could see her being like a “She’s All That” type of girl. You know the type – a plain Jane type of girl who isn’t ugly, she just doesn’t try much to look pretty. If she were to let her hair down and put a little make up on and wipe the blood off her face and cover up her open wounds, she could be a 7.5. Give her a bonus 0.5 points for being a drunk whore who drives cars through houses at 50 MPH and we’re looking at an 8 out of 10. If you can survive the ride home from the bar with her, you’re most likely looking at guaranteed drunk sex with a 6, potentially 8 out of 10. I’ll sign for that 100 times out of 100.

Shaun White?

May 30, 2012

Vs.

 

NY PostBar Refaeli had complained she “doesn’t get hit on by guys,” but Olympic gold medalist Shaun White gave it a shot over Memorial Day weekend. The snowboarding champ was spotted with Maxim’s newly crowned “hottest woman in the world” at SoHo lounge Sway “dancing, hugging and kissing” into the wee hours of Monday morning, spies tell Page Six. White was first seen entering the Spring Street club with five pals after midnight Monday, but sources say he was mostly concerned with monitoring his cellphone. “He was distracted,” a witness said. “He was pacing, going outside and checking his cell.” It soon became clear why, when stunning model Refaeli arrived to meet White at about 1:30 a.m. The half-pipe hero and the Israeli ex of Leonardo DiCaprio promptly hit the dance floor, where they were going for the gold in the canoodle-a-thon. “They were all over each other,” our spy said. “They were dancing, hugging, kissing — you name it.”   His posse enjoyed bottles of Jack Daniel’s, vodka and wine at a VIP table, and left en masse, forgetting to leave a tip. “[Sway co-owner] Robin Cofer sent over several bottles, and although [they] were gracious to everyone, they stiffed the wait staff,” a spy sniffed.

Fucking Palestine up to their usual tricks trying to make Jews look bad.    Listen I’m not 100% sure, I’m not 200% sure, I’m 5,000% sure this isn’t true.   I’m not even going to address it or dignify it with a response because there is ZERO chance this happened.  Bar Refaeli is not hooking up with Shawn White.  I don’t care if he’s the last warm dick on the planet.  No fucking chance.  You don’t go from Leonardo DiCaprio to Shawn White.   You just don’t.   This is so obviously fake I can’t even breathe.   Like I swear to god if this gets confirmed by Bar Refaeli I will renounce my Judaism become a terrorist and start sticking Jews in ovens just for fun.  That’s how positive I am this is not real.

Tebow and Lolo?

May 25, 2012

YahooTim Tebow and American hurdling star Lolo Jones share two things in  common: They’re saving their virginity until marriage and they get made  fun of incessantly for that decision. Jones, the 29-year-old world indoor champion and Olympic medal hopeful, recently told HBO’s “Real Sports” that she was still a virgin.  Once that interview aired, she drew immediate comparisons to America’s  most famous sexual holdout, Timothy Richard Tebow. That similarity  wasn’t lost on Tebow’s New York Jets teammates. According to Kevin Armstrong of the New York Daily News, Tebow was serenaded with chants of “Lolo! Lolo!” when he entered the locker room following Thursday’s OTAs and it wasn’t because he’s good at hurdling and sort of looks like Rashida Jones.

Aw shit! What a fuckin power couple this duo would be! We could refer to them as “Teblow” because you know both of them are down with oral. A reality show with these two dating would blow it out of the water. Have the cameras follow them around talking about how they don’t fuck and how Jesus is awesome and blah blah blah. Maybe a season finale where Tebow finger blasts her. Season 2 finale with a Lolo BlowBlow. All just leading up to a series finale where they fuck on camera. Not even kidding you, I think that would be the single highest rated thing in the history of television. They could donate all the money earned to the Catholic Church or some shit.

I think this is God’s plan. His grand scheme to have these two breed some Super Christ baby that can run the hurdles and play special teams in the NFL and not fuck. How much of a lameo kid would that be? Some kid who can’t throw a football, runs track, and doesn’t have sex. Sounds like every nerd in the world except this kid would technically be a athletic, immortal superchild.

Pregnant Bodies?

May 25, 2012

DMBarely a week goes by without yet another  celebrity flaunting her enviable bikini body just weeks after having a  baby. But few real women manage to snap back into shape so soon after  childbirth. Femail asked six brave mothers to reveal the toll pregnancy  has taken on their figures.

1.

Natalie Edmonds, 26, is a holistic therapist from Weston-super-Mare, Somerset. She has an 18-month-old son, Elliott. She weighs 12st 3lb and is a size 14. She says her stretch marks were the worst her midwife had ever seen. My stomach had completely lost muscle definition. The sudden weight loss even gave me stretch marks on my breasts and arms.

 

2.

Aimee Marshall, 22, is a hairdresser from Braintree, Essex. She has a nine-month-old daughter, Eadie. She weighs 9st and is a size 8-10. Aimee was devastated by the way her breasts looked after giving birth. Pre-pregnancy, I was a size 6 with pert 32E breasts. I was so proud of them. I showed them off in low-cut tops and was full of confidence.   It has affected my confidence. Eadie’s dad and I split up when I was six months pregnant and I’m too embarrassed to even contemplate another physical relationship. I haven’t been put off having more children but wish I’d been aware of the havoc it would cause my body. Mums-to-be should know that they will never look the same again.

 

3.


Natalia Russell, 37, is a receptionist from Tunbridge Wells, Kent. She has a 15-month-old son, Rian, is a size 10–12 and weighs 8st 7lb. Her legs have got bigger and she’s developed cellulite.  I bought a skin brush and expensive creams, but they haven’t made any difference. I’m still 7lb heavier than I was .I’d love my legs to be more toned. They are bigger and wobblier. But I don’t have time to go to the gym. My tummy is also wobbly, whereas before it was naturally

 

I think I’ve said this before but I honestly don’t understand how anybody with a brain could ever want kids?  Everybody always acts like it’s the greatest fucking thing in the world.  Bullshit.  There is NOTHING good about having a baby.  The only reason people have kids is because society puts so much pressure on you to do it.    Makes it seem like you’re an antisocial weirdo if you don’t.   It’s nuts.

Don’t get me wrong I’ll probably have kids because I’m sure The First Lady will lie about being on the pill, but I sure as fuck won’t be happy about it.   How could I be?  Seriously what is there to look forward to about bringing a baby into the world?  No more vacations.  No more going out to restaurants.  No more sex.   Wife with stretch marks all over the place.  Kid shitting like there is no tomorrow.  No sleep.   Sounds like a fucking blast right?   I like my life how it is now.  The last thing I need is some gross little shit machine ruining my flow and making my wife irreversibly uglier.  No

The Uni-Bomber

May 24, 2012

BOSTONHarvard University alumni attending their 50th class reunion this week are getting updates on classmates – including Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.  Kaczynski graduated in 1962 and is locked up in the federal Supermax prison in Colorado for killing three people and injuring 23 during a nationwide bombing spree between 1978 and 1995. In an alumni directory, he lists his occupation as “prisoner” and says his awards are “Eight life sentences, issued by the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California, 1998.”  Harvard’s alumni association said all class members, including Kaczynski, were invited to submit entries for the class report, distributed for reunion activities during commencement week. But it said it regrets including his references to his convictions.

What an asshole this guy is, huh? Bro you killed three people over 17 years. Three! And that’s what you chose to brag about? I could get in a car accident on my way home today and kill three people, and I’ll do it way faster than you did. Fucking embarrassing. I know Kaczynski’s type. He’s the guy that rolls up to reunion in a rented Cadillac with a prostitute on his arm and the tags hidden in his expensive suit so he can return it tomorrow. Just begging for everyone to think he’s actually done something with his life. I’m a prisoner. I killed three people. I’m so badass I got eight life sentences from the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California. Fuck off. You ain’t that bad. I bet you won’t even serve two of those life sentences you pussy.

Lolo Jones a Lesbian?

May 23, 2012

DMOlympic athlete Lolo Jones has told of how being a virgin is ‘harder than training for the Olympics’.  The 29-year-old from Louisiana said during a new episode of HBO’s Real Sports, which airs in the U.S. tonight, that she does not believe in pre-marital sex.  The stunning hurdling competitor, who took part in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, added that being a virgin makes it extremely hard for her to find a boyfriend… ‘When I was 22, 24, it was cute,’ she said. ‘But 24 to 29, it’s not cute. You get judged a lot, a lot of guys won’t return your calls after they find out… ‘Here’s the two things that happen when you tell a guy you’re a virgin, this is the honest truth. One, you tell them [and they say] “oh ok, I respect that”. But you can already see in their eyes [that they’re thinking] “she’s lying about this and I’ll crack it. So we’ll talk usually one to three months [later], then they’re like “oh shoot, she was serious”. Time for me to exit.’

So everybody is talking about this story.   It’s almost old news by now.   Lolo Jones saying she’s a  virgin on Real Sports and how not fucking is harder than training for  the Olympics.   So why am I blogging it again?  Well I can’t believe  nobody has pointed this out yet.   Chick is a lesbo.   It literally  couldn’t be more obvious.   She’s 29, awesome at sports and never had a  dick.   That adds up to Lesbian 100% of the time.    My only question is  why is she hiding it?   Acting like turning down cock is the hardest  thing she’s ever done?   Honey it’s 2012.   Nobody gives a fuck if you  like pussy.    It’s not going to hurt your endorsement deals.    Gay and  proud.   That’s what it’s all about

I’m Too Sexxy?

May 22, 2012

NY Post – A buxom 29-year-old New Jersey woman claims managers at an intimate  apparel outfit told her to tape down her breasts, before firing her  because she was too sexy for the office. “It was very shocking,  very humiliating,” said Lauren Odes, who filed a complaint against  Native Intimates to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. ”It was a crazy experience, unlike anything I’ve ever been through.” Odes and her lawyer, Gloria Allred, said she spent one humiliating week at the Fifth Avenue garment business in April.  A temp agency placed Odes at Native Intimates, where she performed  data entry and coordinate shipment of samples, according to Allred. “She  was told by supervisors that ‘You are just too hot for this office.  Maybe you should wear your boyfriend’s T-shirt and sweatpants,’” Allred  said. “Ms. Odes alleged that the supervisor suggested that Lauren try taping her breasts down to make them appear smaller.” On  her final day at work, Odes wore a form-fitting black dress and was  told she should either done an oversized bath robe or go out and buy a  whole new outfit. Odes claimed she was fired over the phone while she was out to get her less-sexy duds.

Is there anything worst than a gross chick who thinks she’s hot? No. There is not. They are the fucking worst. They are the most delusional people on the planet. They dress like they’re skinny and do their hair like they’re pretty and they stomp around the joint with their thunder thighs acting like they own the place. They have tits that are all fat and a gut and somehow they walk out of the house acting like they’re Bar Refaeli.

So you can imagine how pissed off the owners of this lingerie store were when the temp agency placed this pig with lipstick to work for them. They probably thought they were getting a blond knockout and instead get this dump truck. So what do they do? Pull the “overqualified” line. Genius. Its the ultimate out for employers who wanna get rid of someone. You’re too smart. You have too much experience. Your floppy tits are too big. Classic. I mean this chick is right – how can you work in a lingerie store that sells slutty clothes yet be fired for having boobs that are too big and being too sexy? You can’t. The real reason is that you’re gross. They just can’t say that.

Mark fuckin’ Anthony

May 22, 2012

 

 

Am I crazy or is Mark Anthony  one of the creepiest looking mofos on the planet?   Like just ugly as fuck.  Yet he snagged Jennifer Lopez sort of in her prime and now this chick who is like a souped up version of Jlo.  Is it as simple as money and fame?   Obviously it is right?  Still doesn’t seem fair though.   Hey Zuckerberg wake up.  This could be you bro.