Archive for August, 2012

Usain Bolt?

August 6, 2012

So I tweeted this out last night….

“Usain Bolt is 1 billion times the star Michael Phelps is.  Fact”

I honestly didn’t even think it was that big of a statement.   It would kind of be like me tweeting that “It will get dark tonight.  Fact”.    Like I honestly didn’t think anybody would debate it.  But apparently there are some knuckleheads out there who think Phelps is a bigger star because he has like 38 medals or something.  Umm how many times do I have to go over this?   He competes in a dumb ass sport where you can win 9,000 medals essentially doing the same thing.   Yes he’s the best swimmer on the planet.   Not the fastest, but the overall best.    Meanwhile Usain Bolt is the fastest motherfucker on the planet.    I don’t care what country you live in, what sport you play, that matters.    If you go ask other pro athletes who they’d want to meet the answer is going to be Usain Bolt 100% of the time.   The reason is because speed is universal.   Everybody can appreciate it, understand it and be in awe of it.  The 100 meter dash is the signature event of the Olympics.  Both summer and winter.    The only other title that may be more prestigious than being World’s Fastest Man is being Heavyweight Champion of the World.   That’s it.    And right now Usain Bolt is dominating the title.  He’s like Tyson in his prime.     Not just winning, but winning for fun.   A star of stars.   It’s nothing against Michael Phelps.  He’s the greatest swimmer who has ever lived, but that pales in comparison to being the fast human who has ever lived.   And if you don’t agree with that than you my friend are a certified idiot.

PS – There is no shot Michael Phelps doesn’t come back for Rio.   No shot.    He’ll sit around for 3 years and then get the itch to be the center of the world again.   It’s only natural.    Nobody can walk away at the top of their game except Barry Sanders.


Nachos Bell Grande?

August 3, 2012

DMA Taco Bell employee has been fired after urinating on a plate of nachos and posting the shocking image online.  Cameron Jankowski, of Fort Wayne, Indiana, uploaded the photograph to Twitter alongside the caption, ‘Guess where I work,’ and the hashtags ‘#pissolympics’ and ‘#nachobellgrande’. The Tweet, which has since been deleted, was addressed to Hunter Moore, the man behind the now-defunct ‘revenge porn’ website Is Anyone Up? Moore declared Jankowski the ‘winner of the piss Olympics’ and asked his 100,000 followers: ‘What else should @Cameronisonfire piss in at work?’ But the fast food worker was forced to backtrack after receiving a torrent of abuse. ‘Go kill yourself’, one Twitter user replied.  Jankowski claimed the photograph was a prank and denied serving the urinated dish to a customer. ‘Sorry for disappointing you all, but I didn’t serve those. That’s too f****d hahaha,’ he Tweeted. Internet users responded by saying Jankowski would be fired, to which he replied: ‘There are no laws saying what you can and cannot piss upon. ‘I pissed on them where nobody could see, in private, an[d] I threw them away. There’s literally nothing they can do. Fire me. I don’t care.’ But hacking group Anonymous did not take too kindly to the disturbing image and asked their 140,000 followers to ‘Find This Taco Bell Employee’. The group created a video of Jankowski’s Tweets with a series of photographs of him to shame him.  Taco Bell spokeswoman Amy Kavanaugh told Indiana’s NewsCenter that Jankowski would be fired. ‘As soon as we learned of the situation, we immediately investigated and found the photo was an ill-conceived prank and the food was never served to customers.  ‘We find this prank absolutely unacceptable, and we plan to terminate anyone involved and work with authorities to pursue legal action.’

Whether you served them or not — doesn’t matter.  You pissed in the nachos instead of the toilet. Easiest fireable offense ever.

Also, there are PLENTY of laws saying what you can and cannot piss upon, guy.  This is America, not the middle of the Pacific Ocean. There’s no Freedom Of Piss amendment in the Constitution.  You can’t piss on babies or famous oil paintings or a cop’s shoes, for instance.  All three of those examples would end with you in cuffs.

God I hate this kid’s…everything.  His unoriginal swagless vulture style screams attention-seeking middle America.  The exact person who should have been sent to military school.

Swing and a Miss?

August 2, 2012

NYDN LeBron James and the United States men’s basketball team plan on bringing home the gold. But it was plans of a different kind that the NBA’s regular season and  NBA Finals MVP made in London that briefly sent the Twitterverse ablaze:  his dinner plans. USA swimmer Lauren Perdue tweeted that LeBron had asked her to dinner. Perdue (@LoPerdue)  tweeted “Lebron James just invited me to dinner… Um wuuuutttt?!?” She  also sent out an Instagram picture of her standing with a horn-rim clad  James and the caption “Oh heyy Lebon.” Even crazier? She turned him down, citing curfew for athletes in the Olympic Village. The tweet has since been deleted. Now, before the rumors fly about the recently-engaged James and Perdue,  the 21-year-old Olympian cleared up the situation for the Charlotte  Observer. “He was kind of joking but he was basically like, ‘Would you like to  come eat with me at the dining hall?’ And I said, ‘Um, I’m sorry, I have  a curfew. So I turned that one down, yeah,” Perdue said. The report also says the University of Virginia swimmer added “LeBron  was ‘gracious’ and and certainly didn’t imply that he was asking her to  anything other than a meal at the Olympic Village dining hall.”

First of all, Lauren Perdue can cut the shit with the whole “nothing other than a meal at the Olympic Village dining hall.” Everyone knows thats Olympic code for “Lets fuck.” Not like we’re just gonna go grab a snack at the caf or something. Thats like saying “Oh I just went for a dip in the pool” at Rehab in Vegas. You’re definitely getting fucked.

So, Lauren, lets cut the shit, Lebron was definitely propositioning you to S his D. Whats downright hilarious is that you shot him down. Do you know how hard it is to not get laid at the Olympic Village? Its the No-limp-dick village. Everyone is fucking. Especially all the super star athletes. Kobe probably fucked all of Malaysia by now. And then there’s Lebron getting shot down by random swimmers. Lauren Perdue is like “uhhh no thanks. I can’t I gotta…go to sleep.” Probably snuck out and went and fucked that asshole Lochte will Lebron went hopped in the top bunk telling ghost stories with Anthony

Michael Phelps?

August 2, 2012


So Michael Phelps just won another gold medal once again prompting morons to say he’s the best Olympian of all time.   Give me a break.  Michael Phelps isn’t the best Olympian of all time.  He’s the best  swimmer.  Huge difference.   No other sport can you compete in 383  events a day.   Like what’s up with all these different types of strokes?   Breast stroke, back stroke, butterfly etc.   That’s why swimmers get 9,000 medals.  Because their sport is stupid as fuck.  It should just be whoever can get from one end of the pool to the other the fastest.  Maybe have 3 different distances and a couple relays and call it a day. I don’t care if you swim underwater the whole time, do the doggy paddle or what.   Just fucking get there.  Swim like a shark is chasing you.  That’s all that should matter. Regulating how people move through the pool is ridiculous.   It’s like telling sprinters that in certain races they got to hop on one leg.    Makes no sense on any level.